


I'll Be Home Soon

by vaalkyrie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Love Triangle, M/M, More Characters to be Added Soon - Freeform, the hell am i doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25471939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaalkyrie/pseuds/vaalkyrie
Summary: Hinata Shouyou begins his freshman year as an athletic scholar for volleyball at a prestigious university overseas. Chasing his dreams mean that he’s leaving behind the place he’s called home – and the best friend he’s been in love with for the past four years.He insists that he can handle being so far from everything familiar he’s ever known, but as days pass he quickly realizes how wrong he is and how incredibly homesick he was feeling. He misses Miyagi, his friends, his family – he misses Kenma.Enter Tsukishima Kei.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 56
Kudos: 207





	1. Mister Giant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shouyou is a mess, and of course, he gets lost while trying to look for his first class.

It’s an alarm that wakes Shouyou up from his deep slumber, to which the teen responds with an arm blindly reaching out to grab his phone off the nightstand. He opens his one eye in order to see his screen, disabling the alarm before checking the time. He had roughly an hour and a half before he needed to be at his first class.

Shouyou emits a small sigh as he rolls onto his back, highly tempted to just burrow back underneath the duvet and risk an extra hour of sleep. If he had been back home in Miyagi, he probably would have done just that. Unfortunately, he was in a completely foreign country and he knew that allowing himself some leeway for the possibility of getting lost is a smart decision. This is what encourages Shouyou to roll out of bed, begrudgingly dragging his feet across the floor towards his bathroom, intent on getting into the shower so that he can wake himself up enough to start the day.

Once he’s out of the shower and fully dressed, the telltale ring of an incoming video call emits from his phone. A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he picks it up, thumb swiping across the screen to accept the call before holding the device up in front of him.

“Miss me already, Kenma?” There’s a teasing tone evident in his voice as his best friend’s face is projected on his screen, who simply snorts and rolls his eyes at Shouyou’s greeting.

“I’m just making sure you haven’t burned any houses down over there, dumbass,” Kenma muses, to which Shouyou responds with an offended noise. “Plus, I wanted to make sure you didn’t decide to sleep in on your first day at a new campus, in a completely foreign country when your fluency in English is as great as Lev trying to receive one of Ushijima’s spikes.”

“Hey, I don’t think I’m that tragic!” Shouyou cries out, lips furling into a pout as Kenma’s laughter rings through the speakers, the teen becoming decisively sulky about the comparison.

“Kidding. But seriously, knowing you and your amazing sense of direction, I was worried you wouldn’t be able to make it to your first class in one piece without getting lost around ten times.” Shouyou merely sighs at the truth of Kenma’s words as he grabs his duffel bag, slinging it over his shoulder whilst his free hand grabs his keys. “Fine, I won’t deny the likelihood of that, but no worries ‘bout me! I am walking out of the door as we speak!”

To prove his point, Shouyou made a whole show of opening the door and walking out, turning his camera to make sure that everything is properly captured as proof of evidence to his friend. “See! Hinata Shouyou is about to take on the world!”

Kenma laughs softly, shaking his head at the ginger’s antics, who positively beams at him. Truthfully, Kenma was worried that Shouyou would be having trouble adjusting to a new environment, fully prepared to see the teen in a more dejected mood. He thought that seeing a familiar face would help him calm down. Plus…

“I miss you, Shou.”

Shouyou pauses in the middle of the hallway, a bashful smile adorning his features as he leans against the wall, eyes taking in the pixelated version of his longtime friend’s face as he responds. “I miss you more, kitty.”

His heart aches as the words leave his lips. The both of them quiet for a long time as they allow a moment to gaze at each other, eyes speaking more volumes than words ever could. It’s the first time in years that they’ve been apart, and it’s proving to be a tough challenge on both of them. It was proving to be harder for Shouyou, who was so used to Kenma’s presence. Kenma, who was there for every volleyball match, who put up with Shouyou’s long rants about how pineapples _do not_ belong on pizza, who held him tight when he sobbed his heart out after his mom had passed away. Kenma, who always made him feel grounded and _okay,_ when it seemed like everything else was falling apart. Kenma, who for the past seven years of knowing each other, had been Shouyou’s absolute constant.

_Kenma, who he had loved for nearly four years._

“You okay?” Kenma asks, his voice soft with a lace of concern, brows furrowed together as he gazes at Shouyou through the phone. Shouyou clears his throat, feigning a glance at his watch to mask the fact that he had spaced out while staring (admiring) at his best friend’s face. _He missed him, okay._

“Yeah, I’m alright, no worries! Anyway, I think I need to go now, gotta grab breakfast and attempt to find where the fuck my first class is.” At the idea of his incoming suffering, Shouyou makes a face as he groans, the pout making its way back to his lips. “M’gonna have to let you miss me a little more, KenKen.”

At the nickname, Kenma makes a face of disgust as he shakes his head, flipping Shouyou off who was busy laughing his head off at his reaction. “Man, fuck off. Alright, you go on ahead. I’m gonna go sleep now.”

“Okay, okay. Good night, Kenma.

“Good morning, Shou.”

“God, how many stupid buildings does this place have,” Shouyou muttered to himself in annoyance. “How big is this place even? I swear it got bigger than the last time I took the campus tour. What the fuck.”

Shouyou reaches up to run his fingers through his hair, lifting his head in order to survey his surroundings. It had been roughly an hour since he got off the phone with Kenma in order to grab breakfast. He would love to say that everything is going very well but that would be a big fat lie because _fuck it he had absolutely no idea where his class is supposed to be held._

Emitting a loud sigh, Shouyou clenched and unclenched his fist to relax himself – a technique that his captain from his former team back home taught him to relax his nerves during a game. He knew that he was about to lose it, highly stressed over the possibility that he was going to be late for his first class _despite_ the fact that he had made steps in order to prevent that from happening at all.

Gnawing on his bottom lip, he really didn’t want to have to, but he supposes that he really should ask for help from one of the other students. Looking around, Shouyou searched for his (unlucky) victim. His gaze zeroes in on a guy with blond hair and black-rimmed glasses, a pair of white headphones resting around his neck. The guy is sitting on one of the benches along the pathway, engrossed in reading a book. A childish spark of jealousy flares up within Shouyou as he bitterly remarks that this dude is probably really tall judging from his legs and _dammit why couldn’t I have been blessed with better genes in terms of height curse you genetics!!_

“Just for that, I’m going to ask you, giant.” He murmurs to himself, straightening his posture up as he marches over, schooling his expression into the friendliest one he can as he reaches over to tap the dude’s shoulder. He’s about to open his mouth and speak when he realizes that-

_Oh shit, I don’t speak English._

Flushing pink and sputtering unattractively, Shouyou wrings his hands together anxiously as he tries to figure out how the hell he was going to ask this guy now. Said guy is now looking at him with a very weird expression, brow quirked. Shouyou really wished that the ground can just swallow him up right now, so he decided to express his question in the best way possible.

“Uh, where?” He starts off in Japanese, before making a thinking face. He uses his arms to make out a huge rectangle, which was supposed to be a building. He then uses his hands to mimic a book, before he looks back at the other student–he decisively decides to call him Mister Giant in his head-who was simply watching him with an amused gaze. “Fuck, I probably look really stupid.”

Shouyou scratches his head, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he tries to remember what _philosophy_ was in english. “Fish- Phee-…?” He trails off, realizing that he was probably nowhere near pronouncing what the word actually was in English.

Mister Giant stares at him for a bit longer and Shouyou is about to apologize and leave before he embarrasses himself any further when he does something that makes the teen want to sink into the ground underneath him.

“You know; you can just ask me whatever it is you’ve been trying to ask rather than act it out. This isn’t theater class, shortie.”

_Did he just??_

“Hah?! You speak Japanese!” Shouyou nearly yells effectively attracting the attention of bystanders which makes the other teen wince at the unwanted attention now directed towards the pair. His eyes are wide as he points an accusatory finger at Mister Giant, who simply smirks as he shuts his book and rises, bringing himself up to his full height which has the shorter of the two craning his neck to even look up at him.

“Well, I was born in Japan, so it just makes sense that I’m fluent, right?” He muses, eyes glittering with mischief as Shouyou struggles to put his thoughts together, wondering whether or not he wanted to run and hide forever or whoop this asshole’s butt for making him look like a fool.

“I- “

“Were you going to ask me something or are you just going to gawk there like an idiot? Because I have a class to get to.” Mister Giant interrupts him before he can say anything else, and at the mention of a class, he realizes that he’s about to be incredibly late for his if he doesn’t figure out where his lecture hall is.

“Fuck, do you happen to know where the philosophy classes are held? I think I’m supposed to go to lecture hall C...” He trails off, eyes wide as he glances at his watch to check the time.

“It’s inside the next building over, go in and make a right, there should be signs that can lead the way.” Mister Giant directs, tucking his book inside his bag before sliding on his headphones, turning to walk the opposite way before Shouyou could say anything else.

“T-Thanks but… hey, I didn’t get your name!” He called out, but his efforts fall on deaf ears. Frowning at the guy’s back, Shouyou decides that he has more urgent things to worry about if he doesn’t get his ass moving.

Luckily, he was always known for his speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so um this is my first fanfic in a while lmfao but i have soooo many feels for the ships in this fandom and i- this was supposed to be a tsukihina story but then kenhina and i just ARGH so yea lmfao i want to dead.
> 
> until the next update!! (i swear i'll finish this fic)


	2. First Meetings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shouyou has his first training with his new team, and some thoughts arise as he feels homesick.

“Oh my god, you  _ idiot,” _

“I know!” Shouyou whines as he throws his arms up in the air, before allowing himself to collapse onto his bed, burying his face into the pillows, muffling his scream of frustration. He had just finished recounting the tale of his epic fail moment earlier, remembering the sheer foolishness of his actions. He’s vaguely aware of Kenma’s laughter through the phone, which adds to his embarrassment but at the same time,  _ holy shit I miss hearing him laugh.  _ Shouyou finds himself biting back a grin as he rolls onto his back, heart full for the boy on the end of the other line. He managed to find his other classes easily enough after that, but he had to admit that it was a bit of a struggle because he couldn’t really chat with any of the other students. So for the most part, he was stuck just communicating using actions and quiet thank you’s.

“You couldn’t have asked first if he knew how to speak Japanese at least?”

“Well, it seemed like a stretch that someone would know at the time, alright!”

“Shou, you’re not the only international student there.”

“…I know.”

He hears Kenma chuckle through the phone, before he hears some faint voices in the background, to which Kenma responds, “Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute!”

“Do you need to go now?” Shouyou asks quietly, pulling a pillow to his chest as the smile on his face fades, reminded of the fact that they weren’t in high school anymore and they were miles apart from each other – and that they had separate lives they needed to get to now. Lives that didn’t include each other on the regular.

“Yeah,” Kenma sighs, pursing his lips as he fumbles with the hem of his shirt, reluctant at the thought of hanging up so soon. “Managed to convince some of the old team to feature in one of my videos, so we’re about to go film that right now.”

“I’ll be sure to be the first to leave a like and comment when it goes up,” Shouyou says, smiling softly at the thought of everyone back home. He missed them dearly. “Send them my regards, yeah?” 

“Of course. I have to go now, Shou. Call me whenever.” 

“Yeah,” Shouyou says, the two of them saying their goodbye’s before the line goes dead. He emits a heavy sigh as the hand holding his phone rests on his stomach, the device still gripped tightly in his hand. He finds that same feeling of loneliness creeping into him again, once again confronted with the fact that he was alone in this place. He’s been feeling this way lately, ever since he had settled in during Freshman week. Although he was well aware that he was  _ far  _ from alone, what with all of his family and friends who were cheering him on back home… but somehow, Shouyou had quickly realized that it just wasn’t the same. 

He was feeling homesick, and it sucked. 

Shouyou kind of wishes that there was volleyball training today just so his mind could be occupied with something else rather than have it wallow in loneliness, but he remembers his communication mishap this morning and he thinks,  _ yeah maybe we’ll try the whole communicating with foreigns thing tomorrow instead.  _ He knows that he should probably work on the course work that his professors had given, but if he was being honest, he had absolutely  _ zero  _ motivation for that at all. So instead of grabbing his bag full of a shit ton of hand-outs he needed to go over, he opts for making his way over to his closet in order to grab his training wear. He needed to clear his mind, and maybe grab some dinner in the process. Perhaps going out for a jog would distract him from that heavy feeling of loneliness.

The next day, Shouyou woke up early once more, his first training with the varsity team scheduled that morning. He was excited, the prospect of being able to play again made him feel light and happy. That, and the idea of llearning from other talented players was thrilling. He couldn’t wait to see what the others brought to the table - and how he could absorb the newfound information to improve his own playing style. 

The faint sound of volleyballs being smashed into the ground as he approached the gymnasium made his heart warm, welcoming the familiarity that crept up on him with a small smile on his face. As the distance between him and the building shortens, he finds that his emotions become more and more all over the place - nerves, you can call it. Pursing his lips, Shouyou exhales through his mouth as his hand grips the door bar, steeling himself as he pushes the door open to what would be his second home for the next four years. 

“Hello, good morning!” He greets, catching their attention. Coach Washijo, the coach who had invited him to come to the university was the first to acknowledge him, introducing him to his co-coach with a pat on Shouyou’s back. The other coach introduced himself as Coach Barnes, Shouyou made sure to remember that so he doesn’t make a fool out of himself in the future like he did yesterday. 

“Coach Barnes has seen some of your games, he is quite impressed by your abilities despite your short stature. Both of us are,” Coach Washijo starts off, “But I’m sure you know that your height means that you work twice as hard now - to prove that you are just as competent as everyone else who stands in this gym.” Coach Wahijo remarks, eyeing Shouyou with a certain intensity. Shouyou knew what he was trying to convey all the same.  _ I have high expectations of you, Hinata Shouyou.  _

“Alright, we should get you acquainted with the rest of the team.” Clapping his hands together, Coach Washijo calls for the attention of two people, who swiftly stop their drills and approach. Shouyou turns his attention to the members, relief creeping into his being when he realizes he’s not the only foreign member on the team. 

“Shouyou, this is Kageyama Tobio and Bokuto Kotarou.”

Once the coaches leave, Shouyou properly turns in order to look at the two guys in front of him. The dark-haired guy seemed to be regarding him with an expression he’s seen many times before - one that he’s from opponents on the court when they see him for the first time. The other guy had silver hair with black highlights which made for quite an impression, but between the two, Shouyou thinks this one is friendlier. Said dude is grinning at Shouyou as he does a once over of the smaller player, a low whistle slipping past his lips. “Eh? What do we have here? A shortie!”

At the teasing remark, Shouyou’s face visibly darkens while his temper flares up for a moment. He’s about to say something in retaliation but instead, he’s startled at the laugh the silver haired dude releases, both of his hands rest on his hips as the grin remains on his face. “This is going to be awesome! You can be our secret weapon, one that the enemy will underestimate and then bam! Little shortie comes around to surprise them-”

“That is, if he’s any good.” Dark-haired guy cuts in, brow raised with that same calculating look on his face. Shouyou wants to freaking punch this dude, but he decides that fighting with his new team on the first team would not be very appealing to the coaches. He sighs, opening his mouth to retort but before he could, the stupid face was speaking again.

“What positions did you play in high school?” Stupid face asked. Silver haired dude seemed to be interested as well, the pair of them awaiting Shouyou’s response.

“I played middle blocker for a year and wing spiker for two.”

“Eh?” Stupid face and silver haired dude chorused, expressions of confusion now marring their features. Stupid face opened his mouth to reply, “But.. you’re tiny…”

“Hey now, Tobio, we shouldn’t trim down possibilities just because of his height!” Silver head guy - Kotarou, he’s guessing - mused, reaching out to ruffle Tobio’s hair who immediately scowled at the unwelcome action, recoiling back from the culprit in order to fix his hair. 

“I know I’m short,” Shouyou responded in frustration as he crossed his arms over his chest. “But I can jump.”

The latter two shared a look, both quite interested to see Shouyou in action now. It was Kotarou who spoke this time, nodding his head over to the nets. “Alright, let’s see how well you can play then.”

To this, Shouyou merely grins as he sets his bag down on one of the nearby benches, eager to prove his value as a player on the team.

Later on, Shouyou learns that Kotarou is the team ace who is known for his powerful spikes and sharp line shots. And he was also  _ very  _ hyper which, Tobio adds, is a unique asset. During a game, Kotarou can hype up the crowd like no other, and it lifts the team spirit as well as his own. Tobio is a genius setter, on the other hand. His excellent ball control allowed him to execute difficult plays with his spikers, which, coupled with his quick assessment skills and strategizing proved to be a valuable weapon to the team. The two of them had already begun experimenting with plays that they can perform - and even though there was this unspoken rivalry between them, they were extremely euphoric when they discovered how  _ freakishly insane  _ they can pull off quick attacks. 

When they’ve settled down for a water break, the three of them are still conversing when Kotarou points out something, “Tsukki didn’t come in today.”

Tobio responds in agreement, eyes surveying the gym as he speaks. “Maybe he had a prior commitment to attend to. Or, you know, he was just lazy and decided to not come to training.”

“Huh? Who’s Tsukki?” Shouyou asks.

“Ah, he’s another one of us Japanese boys,” Kotarou begins, before taking a swig of his energy drink. “He plays middle blocker for the team and is affectionately nicknamed skyscraper. One of our tallest, I think. He’s awesome at keeping his cool even under high pressure situations, plus he reads the ball very well before acting accordingly. He’s one of the foundations of our awesome defense!” Kotarou finishes, beaming as he holds a thumbs up at the word ‘awesome’.

“He can be a bit of an ass though,” Tobio scowls, nose scrunching up in distaste. “Thinks he’s all that.”

“Now, now, are you sure he’s an ass or are you just jealous?” Shouyou teases, reaching out to poke Tobio’s cheek who slaps his hand away, throwing a nasty glare at the shorter player.

The trio go back to training after their short conversation, Tobio and Kotarou introducing him to the rest of the team before they practice their receives together. At the end of practice, Shouyou feels like he still had a shit ton of energy to spare and and he was just craving to burn it all off - but an incident during one of his past competitions had taught him that pushing yourself was just an act of carelessness that will cost you in the end. So despite the huge urge to spike a few more balls, Shouyou decides to call it a day.

Kotarou and Tobio (mostly Kotarou) invite him to join them for snacks, and Shoyou graciously accepts. (Because he was still a lonely midget who was lost and lonely, alright.) 

They all exit the gym together, talking about volleyball and other random things, Shouyou and Tobio occasionally arguing over something to which Kotarou would need to break it up. As they’re nearing the convenience store, Shouyou notices a guy standing by the entrance, engrossed in his phone. “Oh, Shouyou, let me introduce you!”

“Keiji!”

Kotarou’s voice rings throughout the area which catches the attention of multiple students walking along, throwing them weird looks. But the Keiji person doesn’t even flinch, only lifting his head up from his phone to lift his hand in greeting. Kotarou is a buzzing ball of energy who runs toward him, engulfing Keiji in a tight hug. Tobio doesn’t even bat a lash, only nodding at Keiji in acknowledgement he walks past, straight into the convenience store. 

“Shouyou, this is Akaashi Keiji. He’s my boyfriend and my number one cheerleader.” Kotarou is full of pride as he introduces Keiji, who nods at Shouyou in greeting. “I have reservations about the cheerleader part, but it is true that I am his boyfriend. Happily so.”

The remark at the end has Kotarou’s face turning into a bright tomato as he easily slips his hand into Keiji’s lacing their fingers together while he gazes at Keiji with so much love and adoration. The action is done with so much ease that tells Shouyou he’s done this countless times before - and their fingers are intertwined so perfectly it’s as if their hands were made for each other. There’s a pang of ache in Shouyou’s heart as when he’s reminded of the same level of ease and familiarity in his relationship with Kenma.  _ God, I miss him. _

Shouyou can’t help but look at his phone, pretending that he was checking the time but really, he was just looking at his wallpaper. It was the last photo he took with the team before he had left Japan. Kuroo and Lev stood on either side of Nishinoya, their elbows resting on top of the libero’s head who looked positively pissed at the fact that he was being used as a table. Tora and Tanaka were busy doing some kind of twin pose, but to Shouyou they just looked like idiots. Kunimi and Yamaguchi had their arms around each other, with Yamaguchi grinning at the camera while Kunimi was just.. well, Kunimi. Finally, Shouyou’s eyes flitted to the picture of him and Kenma in the middle, their pinkies intertwined between them. Kenma had a half-smile on as he gazed at Shouyou who was doing this stupid expression to make his best friend laugh. Shouyou’s heart aches for the nth time as he thinks about Kenma, the thousands of miles that separated the two of them weighing heavily on his thoughts even more so. 

Shouyou sighs, turning his head up to the sky in order to stare at the clouds as he wonders, not for the first time since coming here, if he should have just stayed home in Japan after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow another update aha aha FHDFSDGFGSHH ngl i missed writing fics!!! anw thank u for the kudos im just *sob* ily all  
> i have a vague idea of where i want this story to go and,, perhaps angst might be in order?? ohoho  
> ALSO!!! screams bokuaka!!!   
> next chapter we should have shou meeting his mister giant again ahe :^)


	3. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you mind if you remove your stuff from here so I can sit down? There’s not a lot of free seats.” The same voice that had roused him out of his slumber speaks up again, and Shouyou turns to the source of the voice to apologize for hogging the seat with his bag when he finally gets a good look at the face of the speaker. Eyes widening in recognition, Shouyou points a finger at him, “You-!”
> 
> “Pointing is quite rude, don’t you think?” Mister Giant mutters, hand reaching out to push down the hand that had been pointing at him. Clearing his throat as he averted his eyes, repeating his earlier query. “So.. can I sit down?”

Shouyou hangs out with the others for a while after that, taking the time to get to know each other. He learns that Kotarou and Tobio are majoring in Sports Science, while Keiji majored in Journalism. Kotarou and Keiji were sophomores, while Tobio was his fellow freshman. Shouyou, on the other hand, majored in Broadcast Studies. Ideally, he was working towards a professional volleyball career, but if things don’t go very well, his fallback plan was to become a sportscaster. 

Kotarou and Keiji had been dating for only a little over ten months, but Shouyou admired the easy Meanwhile, he learned that despite Tobio seeming to be  _ incredibly  _ emotionally constipated, he actually had a long distance relationship with a guy named Oikawa Tooru back in Japan, who was also playing volleyball on a competitive collegiate level. 

They part ways after they’ve all finished their snacks, Shouyou glancing at the time on his phone. He notices that he has a few messages from Kenma, and a smile tugs on his lips as he opens the messaging application to respond.

_ From: Kenma _ _   
_ _ just finished filming the yt video. should be up tomorrow.  _ _   
_ _ imma go grab some food wt the others, i promised pizza n burgers after filming.  _ _   
_ _ stay safe  
_

_ From: Shouyou _ _   
_ _ i got off practice a few mins ago _ _   
_ _ omw to the library to study  
stay safe to u too  
_

_ From: Kenma _ _   
_ _ wow??? ure gonna study????  _ _   
_ _ holy shit _

_ From: Shouyou _ _   
_ _ um??? yea???  
  
_

_ From: Kenma _ _   
_ _ lmfao  _ _   
_ _ hope u know that studying does not mean sleeping ontop of ur books  _ _   
_

_ From: Shouyou _ _   
_ _ stfu mygod can i live?????  
u suck _ _   
_ _ ihu _ _   
_ _ go find a new bff _

_ From: Kenma _ _   
_ _ kuroo says hes down for it  
to be my new bff i mean  
_

_ From: Shouyou _ _   
_ _ tell kuroo to suck my foot _

_ From: Kenma _ _   
_ _ charming _

_ From: Shouyou _ _   
_ _ thx :^) _

Shouyou smiles at the familiar banter before shoving his phone back into his bag just as he entered the library. Honestly speaking, he’s really tired and he would rather go back to his dorm and sleep his life away, but he intended to actually put effort into his studies now that he was in college. Shouyou is in no way a genius, but he is motivated to work hard enough so he can keep up with his fellow students. He had brought along his course syllabus so he can go over the reading lists his professors gave for this semester, figuring he could get started. Despite struggling to speak the language, Shouyou can read English texts pretty okay. Although, it wouldn’t hurt to look for Japanese translations of the books that he needed. 

That reminded Shouyou that he should sign up for the peer tutorial program that was recommended to him to help him out with his English skills, simultaneously his studies for the general core subjects. He makes a mental note to drop by the student services office so he can get an application in. 

Sighing softly, he sets down the books that he had pulled out, before taking a seat. He places his bag on the free seat next to him, rummaging through the pockets to retrieve his phone and earphones. He puts a playlist on shuffle after plugging his earphones into the audio jack, wearing the earpieces as the music blasts through the speakers. He exhales heavily as he cracks his knuckles, quietly cheering himself on before opening the book, determined to read at least a few chapters before he calls it a day.

“Hey.”

_ Mmm..  _

“Wake up.”

_ Kenma.. five more minutes.. _

“Hey, tiny, wake the fuck up.”

_ Wait.. that voice sounds deeper than Kenma’s.. _

Eyes snapping open, Shouyou curses quietly when he realizes that he had fallen asleep in the middle of reading, cheeks flaming lightly when he realizes that Kenma had predicted this would happen. Lifting his head up from where it was resting on the table, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he removes the earpieces, the playlist he had put on shuffle having ended long ago. 

“Do you mind if you remove your stuff from here so I can sit down? There’s not a lot of free seats.” The same voice that had roused him out of his slumber speaks up again, and Shouyou turns to the source of the voice to apologize for hogging the seat with his bag when he finally gets a good look at the face of the  speaker. Eyes widening in recognition, Shouyou points a finger at him, “You-!”

“Pointing is quite rude, don’t you think?” Mister Giant mutters, hand reaching out to push down the hand that had been pointing at him. Clearing his throat as he averted his eyes, repeating his earlier query. “So.. can I sit down?”

Reminded of the initial request that was made of him, Shouyou quickly takes his bag, grunting a bit as he repositioned it to the floor underneath the table instead. Mister Giant gave a quiet thanks while taking a seat, taking his time to go through his things in order to bring out whatever he needed. Shouyou couldn’t help but stare at him all the while, quite curious about this man who had helped him out yesterday. Finally becoming uncomfortable under the weight of Shouyou’s gaze, Mister Giant meets his eyes head on, index finger pushing up his glasses. Having his gaze met, Shouyou is a bit startled, but nonetheless stares back at him levelly. 

“Do you need something?” Mister Giant asked, expression reminiscent of the one he wore when Shouyou had asked him about the lecture halls. Shouyou huffs, folding his arms against the table as he asked, “What’s your name?”

“Kei.” The answer is curt, and the first impression that Kei was giving off to him was tickling Shouyou’s curiosity further.

“My name’s Hinata Shouyou,” He introduces himself, despite the fact that Kei had not even asked for his name. “What’s your major?”

“Archaeology.”

“I major in Broadcast! Were you born here?”

“No, Japan. Are you always this prying?” Kei asks, turning away from his papers to look at Shouyou, his expression seeming to hint a bit of irritation. Just as Shouyou is about to respond, Kei smirks as he turns back to his papers, writing a few things down as he hums. “I mean, I know I’m good-looking, but are you that much of a goner for me already that you just don’t shut up trying to get my attention?”

Shouyou chokes up at the number of questions Kei has thrown at him. That and,  _ what the fuck, is he always this full of himself? _

“E-excuse me?!” Shouyou nearly cries out, drawing the attention of fellow library goers who immediately chastise him. Shouyou merely looks abashed at being scolded, before turning back to Kei with a pointed glare. “Oi, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I’m just curious!”

“Curious about the knight in shining armor who saved your ass from being a lost puppy?” Kei responds albeit a bit absentminded, highlighting a few sentences on his papers.

“Oh my god,” Shouyou mutters, shaking his head as he turns back to his book. But his cheeks are aflame, and he can’t help but wonder why he’s reacting so strongly to Kei’s teasing remarks - perhaps the fact that Kei was actually pretty  _ cute  _ attributed to the fact that he seemed to be struggling to come up with a decent retort.  _ Focus, Hinata! It doesn’t matter if he’s cute, he’s still being an asshole to you.  _

“Stupid, I just wanted to be friends…” Shouyou murmurs, to which Kei responds. “ _ Just  _ friends? Are you sure you don’t want to be anything more than that?” 

Shouyou decides to just shut up altogether because Kei was being an insufferable jerk, and he didn’t want to keep feeding him ideas on how to catch Shouyou off guard. Kei, noticing his sudden quietness, chuckles to himself at how effective that was at shutting Shouyou up. It didn’t help that Shouyou was also giving pretty amusing responses, which was only fuelling his entertainment even more. Glancing over, Kei smirks when he catches Shouyou looking like a constipated dumbass, pointedly glaring at the book in front of him. “Oi, that book might burst up into flames if you keep looking at it so nastily.”

“Shut up…” Shouyou grumbles, firmly shutting the book close before dragging out a sigh. He figures that he should just head back to the dorm at this point, his last bit of energy having run out from trying to make sense of the readings. He also was about to pull his hair out trying to talk to Kei, and he refused to allow the latter to turn him into a blubbering fool any further. Shouyou gathers his belongings, stuffing them away save for the books he had pulled off the shelves, zipping his bag up afterwards. Kei seems to notice, and he leans back into the chair while resting an arm on the backrest, head tipping to the side as he coos obnoxiously just as Shouyou stands up. “Leaving so soon? Don’t miss me too much, tiny.”

“Stop calling me tiny, giant,” Shouyou huffs, meeting Kei’s gaze head on.  _ You want to play like that? Two can play that game of yours.  _ A smirk adorns Shouyou’s softer features, which seems to catch Kei off guard as he senses the atmosphere drop around them. Shouyou carefully leans down, until the gap between their faces is only a few inches now. “And I hope you don’t get distracted thinking of me while I’m gone.” 

Kei’s eyes widen a fraction, lips parting but no sound comes out. Shouyou grins victoriously at the reaction he manages to get out of the other, as he stands back up to his full height. (Which was short, but he revelled looking down on the stupid giant who was now gaping at Shouyou with eyes that clearly said  _ what the actual fuck. _ )

Blowing a kiss, Shouyou wiggles his fingers in farewell to Kei. “See you around, giant.” 

Turning on his heel, Shouyou walks away just as Kei regains his composure, the blond now smirking to himself as he watches the Shouyou’s retreating back.  _ I hope you know what game we’re playing, Hinata Shouyou.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anotha one  
> if you're still reading um wow ily??   
> thx for putting up with my tragic writing  
> on another note,, my heart is so FULL for tsukishima kei


	4. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re still the best to me, Shouyou. The most interesting player I’ve ever met,” Kenma says in a soft voice, chewing on his bottom lip as he spares a glance at Shouyou. He grins to himself when he notices that Shouyou has turned pink, choosing to turn back to his editing application to pretend that he had not seen anything. “Anyway, I asked my subscribers for questions for a Q&A that I’m doing in my next video.”
> 
> “Mhm?”
> 
> “A lot of them asked about you.”
> 
> “Uh huh? They miss me or something?”
> 
> “They.. asked a lot about our relationship.”
> 
> At that, Shouyou pauses from his tossing for a moment, and it’s quiet for a while. He’s so still that Kenma’s almost worried that the internet connection had fucked up again, but then Shouyou begins tossing his ball again, expression betraying no emotion at all.

The next time Shouyou had training was a day later, his regular classes scheduled for the previous day. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” 

Koutarou’s voice boomed throughout the gymnasium, Tobio trailing behind him with a scowl on his face. _Man, that guy looks like he’s always so angry at the world._ Shouyou chuckles from where he sat on the floor where he had already begun stretching, waving at the two of them in greeting. “Good morning!”

“Ooh, our freshman is the first one to arrive today,” Koutarou grins, reaching out to tousle Shouyou’s hair while he makes his way toward the direction of the locker rooms. Tobio doesn’t even acknowledge him, looking like he was just about ready to pick a fight with someone. 

“Ignore him, Shouyou, he had to stay up late to prepare for a report. So he’s just very mad at the world right now.”

“Shut up, Koutarou.”

“Nope!”

Their voices start to fade as they become further and further from Shouyou, who only snorts to himself at the two’s childish bickering. Some of their other teammates begin to arrive as well, and Shouyou greets all of them with a bright smile as they do the same. Just as he begins finishing up his warm up, the door of the gym swings open and in comes a very familiar figure. 

Shouyou’s actions come to a halt as the person greets everyone on the court, and the small spiker finds himself choking on his words as their gazes meet, but he manages to cry out in surprise. “Kei?!”

Kei’s expression morphs into what can be described as a mix between confusion and amusement as he approaches Shouyou who seems to be in complete shock, feet rooted to the floor. His mouth alternates between opening and closing, highly reminiscent of a fish out of water. His finger is still outstretched and pointed at Kei, who uses his own hand to tug down the finger pointed at him. “We already established that it’s rude to point at people, sweetheart.”

At the endearment, Shouyou emits a sound that _highly_ resembles a whine. (But if anyone pointed it out, he’d aggressively deny it.) Mirth glitters in Kei’s orbs as he bites back a laugh, leaning forward to level his face with Shouyou’s, their faces inches apart from each other as they were the other day at the library.

“Don’t be so surprised, tiny,” Kei drawls out, before smirking. “I know you missed me a lot.”

“Tsukki!”

Before Shouyou has the chance to recover, Kei straightens and shoves a hand into his pocket, eyes focusing on Koutarou and Tobio who were approaching them from behind Shouyou. Kei lifts a hand in greeting as he brushes past the shell shocked ginger, who looked like he was about to pass out at any moment. _Here, of all places?! Seriously…_

Finally, Shouyou snaps himself out of his stupor, quickly turning out to yell. “What the hell are you doing here, Kei?!”

“Woah, settle down,” Koutarou muses, hand reaching out to pat Shouyou’s head who merely looks up at him helplessly.

“He’s our middle blocker. Of course he’d be here,” Tobio states, looking at Shouyou as if he was judging him really hard for not knowing it. “Why, do you have a problem with Tsukishima?” 

_Tsukishima…_ Shouyou sighs softly, head lolling back while groaning now. _Ah, I was only given his first name when we met.. man, I didn’t think I’d ever see him again!_ He laments, fists clenching at his sides. As his mind _helpfully_ reminds him of the events at the library, he can feel another blush creeping up his neck again. He masks this with a light cough, hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck, averting his gaze from Koutarou’s and Tobio’s curious eyes.

“I.. We just have… stuff…” Shouyou winces at how awkwardly he said that. _Oh my god, you just said it so weirdly._

“Stuff?” Koutarou echoes, blinking owlishly before he bursts into a huge bout of laughter, hands placed on his hips. “You kids are really weird these days!”

“... You say that as if you’re some old uncle, Koutarou. You’re only a year older than Shouyou.”

“You guys are still weird!”

Shouyou’s focus and performance is thankfully not affected despite forcing himself to accept the fact that he had to be on the same team as one Tsukishima Kei. Kei for the most part behaved, but whenever he had the chance, he would smirk and throw taunting glances at him. Which, _really,_ Shouyou had no idea why the fuck he kept doing that. Did he have something on his face? 

_Relax, Shou, he’s trying to make you explode._

During the course of his training, Shouyou had learned a total of three things so far. 

One, he could jump higher. He discovered this after his coaches had given him a few pointers on the execution of his jump, which he made sure to mentally note so that he could work on that in his free time. Second, he desperately needs a haircut, because his hair was starting to get in the way of his vision and it was downright _annoying._

Third, Tsukishima Kei is an annoyingly talented middle blocker. (Who is also extremely annoying.) 

On several occasions, he was able to read Shouyou’s movements really well, effectively shutting down a number of his spikes. Everytime he successfully does, he merely smirks and looks down at Shouyou tauntingly while the smaller player fumes under his gaze. This only seemed to feed Kei’s ego further, but Shouyou refuses to be beaten, and he works himself on adapting his play style to account for his opponent’s quick thinking. 

When the whistle blows to signal the end of practice, Shouyou finds himself panting heavily, the feelings he harboured highly reminiscent to how he felt after a particularly fast-paced match. It felt like he had just gone through a whole rollercoaster ride, the exhilaration and thrill urging him to play more. As much as he hated to admit it.. Kei gave him a really good match. And it reminded Shouyou once again why he _loved_ volleyball. 

“Man, that asshole is good…” He mutters to himself as he begins the cool down exercises, jutting his bottom lip out into a pout. 

“You in love with me yet?” A voice behind him quips, and Shouyou cranes his neck to glance at the person who spoke. He already had a guess based off the statement alone, but he still wanted to turn his head so he could give Kei the stink eye. 

“You wish I was,” Shouyou retorts, turning back to face the front as Kei stood next to him, resuming his own cool down exercise. “I bet you couldn’t help but fall for me when you saw me fly, right?”

Kei rolls his eyes at Shouyou’s snooty response, humming in thought before he speaks up. “I gotta say though, tiny. I didn’t expect you to be our newest recruit. This was the last place I had expected you to be in. But alas, guess I’ll have to put up with your sad efforts at trying to get my attention.” 

Shouyou’s face burned as he used his fist to land a punch against Kei’s (toned) bicep. “You keep giving it to me without me asking for it!” 

“...The fuck was that? Did a fly just bite me?”

“That was a punch you little shit!”

“I’m taller than you.”

“Gah!”

  
  


“He’s so _damn_ annoying, Kenma. I wanted to scream and rip my hair out, I thought I was going to go bald.” Shouyou complained as he moved around his room, tidying up a little. Kenma’s laughter resonates throughout the room from the speakers of his laptop where it’s rested on his desk, and it immediately brings a smile to Shouyou’s face, who then grabs his laptop off the desk in favor of sitting down on his bed. He rests his laptop on his thighs, gazing at Kenma through the screen who seemed to be in the midst of editing a video. 

“Just keep your cool, Shou. You mentioned he was a pretty good player earlier, right?” Kenma says absentmindedly, before continuing. “I think you’ll eventually get used to each other, and once you do, you can focus on learning from him to improve your read blocks. You did say that he pulled off quite a number on you earlier.”

“Yeah. Kind of reminded me of how Kuroo blocks…” Shouyou sighs, grabbing his volleyball off the floor as he leans against his headboard, lightly tossing the ball into the air as he talks. “It’s annoying how he’s so _tall_ and so _good._ Even if I’on wanna admit it..”

“You’re still the best to me, Shouyou. The most interesting player I’ve ever met,” Kenma says in a soft voice, chewing on his bottom lip as he spares a glance at Shouyou. He grins to himself when he notices that Shouyou has turned pink, choosing to turn back to his editing application to pretend that he had not seen anything. “Anyway, I asked my subscribers for questions for a Q&A that I’m doing in my next video.”

“Mhm?”

“A lot of them asked about you.”

“Uh huh? They miss me or something?”

“They.. asked a lot about our relationship.”

At that, Shouyou pauses from his tossing for a moment, and it’s quiet for a while. He’s so still that Kenma’s almost worried that the internet connection had fucked up again, but then Shouyou begins tossing his ball again, expression betraying no emotion at all.

Which was not a good sign, because Shouyou was practically an open book.

“That’s easy, Ken. We’re best friends!”

Kenma winces at that declaration. He’s known Shouyou long enough to notice even the tiniest change in his demeanor - and he knows that Shouyou is about to close himself off now. _He’s protecting himself.. from me._

“Shou,” Kenma calls out, turning away from his editing now to focus on his best friend. Shouyou merely hums, doesn’t even look at him. So Kenma tries again, this time calling out a bit more firmly. “Shouyou.”

At that, Shouyou stops from tossing his ball, still for a moment. He slowly levels his face with the camera again, an unreadable expression on his face as he tilts his head in question. “Yes, Kenma?”

“We... we should talk about this.” Kenma starts off gently, his hands folding on his lap as he tries his best not to wring them together in anxiousness. “About us.”

“What’s there to talk about us, hm? We’re totally fine.” They both flinch at how instant that lie comes out of Shouyou’s lips, as if he’s used to this conversation already. Still, he continues. “We’re best friends, and we’ve always worked well this way.”

It’s like a bucket of cold water had been poured over Kenma, as he recognizes how familiar the words are. _Though, he supposes he deserves that._

“Shouyou… I know that you’re still hurting,” 

“I’m totally fine.” Shouyou says fiercely, gripping tightly onto the ball in his hands as he focuses his gaze on the synthetic leather. “I don’t understand why you’re making an issue out of nothing.”

Kenma sighs hard, one hand running through his blond tresses as he struggles to come up with the words. “Well, I don’t understand why you’re fucking pretending that you’re alright, why you’re pushing yourself to act like everything is okay between us when _you’re fucking hurting._ And you’re giving that positive bullcrap that you _know_ doesn’t work on me, because I know you, Shou, and you should know at this point that I can see through any freaking facade you put on. Why can’t you just be honest and tell me, _Kenma, I don’t feel alright_ like you have always done?”

There’s a long period of silence. 

“Because,” Shouyou begins, voice impossibly soft. “I’ve trusted you with every single secret of mine.” He says, swallowing the lump in his throat as his vision blurs. “Every damn secret. And you’ve always been there, through everything - saying that you will stay by my side, and that you will always listen. You soothed my fears, my insecurities, and you have _always_ made me feel grounded.”

Shouyou breathes heavily as his eyes shut, tears finally rolling down his cheeks as he continues. “But then, I went and fell in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop i just realized that my chapters are pretty short,,   
> i was always worried about them being ~too~ long but i guess now at this point i'm wishing i had kept them a little longer !!   
> so i'll try my hardest to bring longer chapters in the future  
> this is still my first fic in YEARS so,,, pls bear with me hjgfsjdgfhjsg
> 
> ALSO!!! you guys have probably noticed i stray from using honorifics,, that's because i,, am not too familiar with it and i'd rather stray from it than get it wrong ;____; i'm very sorry for anyone bothered by that!!


	5. That Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Something up with you today?” He asks, as he grabs his gaming console before sinking into Shouyou’s desktop chair. This elicits a strained noise from Shouyou, who seems to become even more nervous as he stutters and tries to come up with some lame excuse for his attitude.
> 
> “Chill, Shou, I won’t force you if you don’t want to talk about it.”
> 
> Silence.
> 
> “Shouyou?” Kenma frowns, looking up from his console to face his friend, who is absolutely red right now. Shouyou looks like he’s about to throw up, and then-
> 
> “I.. I love you.” 

_Shouyou is twelve years old when he meets Kozume Kenma._

_He had passed the try-outs for the volleyball team in his middle school, and it was the first day of training with his new members. He’s incredibly nervous, but more thrilled than ever. He races through the halls, eager to be the first to arrive at the gym - but it seems that his other teammates had the same idea as well. He stops by the door when he notices that there’s two boys who had already arrived before he did. The two are deep in conversation that they did not take notice of his arrival._

_“...so proud of you! You made it into my team, you’re absolutely cool, Kenma.” The taller boy exclaimed, laughing obnoxiously as he gave the smaller boy a pat on the back. Shouyou notices that the other boy seemed to be more withdrawn, hunched back with his eyes downcast._

_“S’not a big deal, Kuroo. Shut up…”_

_“Excuse me!” Shouyou finally spoke up, drawing the attention of the two friends to him. The taller boy perks up at him in interest while his companion keeps his eyes down, not even glancing over at Shouyou._

_“Ah, you must be one of our new members, too! I’m Tetsuro Kuroo, this is my friend Kenma!” Kuroo grins, gesturing between him and his friend as he takes charge of the introductions.  
_

_Kenma finally relents and looks up at Shouyou, feline-like eyes locking with his gaze and for some reason, Shouyou finds himself drawn in. Kenma quickly averts his gaze again, his long framing his face in such a way that his hair shields his peripheral._

_“I’m Hinata Shouyou, it’s a pleasure to meet the both of you!”_

_Shouyou, for reasons unknown, begins gravitating towards Kenma since the day they meet. Kenma, at first, is not really enthusiastic about it. They're polar opposites for crying out loud. Hinata Shouyou is a personification of everything Kenma is not, realistically speaking, they should never get along. That's what Kenma thought, too. But at some point in time, they've just become part of each other's routine. And then, they were as good as best friends._ _  
_

_Kenma is a clever player, and it’s with his observation and strategic skills that they manage to pull out a solid defense. Shouyou admires the way Kenma becomes on the court - the calm demeanor he maintains as he turns into a sponge that absorbs every action and decision the opposing team makes as he quickly puts together a plan in his head is amazing._

_“I think I might stop volleyball after middle school.”_

_Shouyou and Kenma are hanging out at the Kozume residence, in the middle of playing a game of Mario Kart when the blond had brought it up. Shouyou seems to falter at the sudden statement, but he tries to go forth in playing. Although it’s obvious it’s bothering him when he loses by a long shot to Kenma._

_“Ah, I see.” Shouyou finally responds after a long moment, and Kenma is a bit surprised. He had expected the ginger to convince him otherwise, to put up a fight with the idea of it. It seems that Shouyou has read his thoughts, judging from the perplexed expression Kenma is wearing._

_“I’ve always known that you stuck around for Kuroo,” Shouyou begins, picking at a loose thread on his shirt as he continues speaking, “But like… you’ve always been so sure of the things that you like and don’t like doing. I think it’s safe to say, you know what’s best for you!”_

_Shouyou looks up at him with a smile on his face, and Kenma merely bites down on his bottom lip as he nods in return. They both go back to playing Mario Kart._

_(Kenma beats Shouyou everytime, but the ginger does not have ‘give up’ in his vocabulary.)_

_The other team is at match point, and it’s the semi-finals of the tournament. Kenma’s exhausted, but he pushes himself to focus, seeing that it was his and Kuroo’s last game with their middle school team before they go off to high school._

_Before he retired from volleyball._

_He’s hyper aware of his team’s positions as well as the opposing team’s, the opponent’s turn to serve. The ball flies over the net and is received by their libero, who sends it to Kenma. He tosses it to someone who spikes it to the other side but it’s received, signalling the start of a long rally. Both teams are doing their best to keep the ball in the air, and he can sense that they’re all becoming incredibly tired._

_The ball is flying to him again, and he decides on a dump shot but-_

_He can feel Shouyou running behind him, and he doesn’t know why- why he felt so compelled to toss it to him. It’s only a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity to Kenma. At the last moment, he changes his form, catching the blockers off guard as he tosses to Shouyou who at this point is already up in the air - almost flying, and Kenma can almost see the wings behind his back._

_Shouyou spikes it into the opposing team’s court before they can even react, and the point is theirs._

_They lose, anyway. But Kenma is not so upset about it, to him, it’s just another game. He’s lost a lot as much as he has won._

_He expects Shouyou to be sad, after all, the boy was so determined to make this a win for the graduating members. But he’s taken aback when Shouyou appears in front of him with such a bright smile, eyes glimmering in adoration and gratitude as he bows to the gamer. “Thank you for tossing for me!”_

_“You’re not disappointed?” asked Kenma, brows furrowed in confusion._

_“A little. But it was a game where I felt your tosses were extra awesome, and I felt so happy hitting your tosses. I’m just so happy to play with you, Kenma!”_

_He continues playing volleyball after all._

_It’s the summer before Shouyou’s third year in high school, and Kenma is over at Shouyou’s house to hang out. They had just finished eating the cheesecake Shouyou had made, but throughout the day Kenma notices that Shouyou is quieter and more fidgety than usual. Once they’ve arrived at Shouyou’s room to rest and relax, he finally brings it up._

_“Something up with you today?” He asks, as he grabs his gaming console before sinking into Shouyou’s desktop chair. This elicits a strained noise from Shouyou, who seems to become even more nervous as he stutters and tries to come up with some lame excuse for his attitude._

_“Chill, Shou, I won’t force you if you don’t want to talk about it.”_

_Silence._

_“Shouyou?” Kenma frowns, looking up from his console to face his friend, who is absolutely red right now. Shouyou looks like he’s about to throw up, and then-_

_“I.. I love you.”_

_Kenma stills for a moment, eyes unblinking, but he regains his composure and laughs quietly, shaking his head as he grips his console hard. “I love you too, Shou.”_

_“No! This is different,” Shouyou shakes his head, frustration evident in his features as he struggled to put his thoughts into words. “I.. I love the way you crinkle your forehead when you can’t get past a level in a game you really like. I love the way you laugh when it’s because of something stupid I did or say. I love the way you’re always around to cheer me up when I’m down, and how you know that I like eating chicken when I miss my mom a little more than usual. I.. Kenma, I’m in love-”_

_“Stop.” Kenma says, firmly. Shouyou winces at the tone, and he’s about to speak again when Kenma beats him to it._

_“I don’t see why you’re saying all of this, Shouyou.” His voice is utterly soft, Shouyou almost didn’t hear him. Shouyou inhales deeply, responding. “Because I just.. It’s been years, and-”_

_“And? We’re fine as we are. Do you want or expect something to happen?”_

_“No, Kenma! I just wanted to get this heavy feeling off my chest, because it’s killing me and- and I don’t mind us just staying as best friends-”_

_“Then why,” Kenma cuts him off, voice louder this time but devoid of any emotion. “Did you have to go ahead and say that? We’ve been okay together all this time, haven’t we?”_

_He wishes he could stop talking. Wishes that he can just take back everything, but the fear and panic within him have taken the wheel and he keeps going._

_“We’re best friends, and we’ve always worked well this way.”_

_Kenma is going to kick himself over this later, but he steels his resolve and lifts his head to look at Shouyou- whose expression looks like Kenma had just cruelly stabbed him in the heart._

_“So please... don’t ruin what we already have.”_

_Then, he stood up and left._

“We didn’t talk for weeks, Kenma,” Shouyou whispers, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he recalled everything. “I felt so fucking lost and alone, and I just wanted my best friend back.”

Kenma swallows hard, trying to gather his thoughts as he speaks, “Shou-”

“No.” Shouyou says, eyes still tightly shut as the tears finally roll down his cheeks. “I can’t.. I’m just so scared messing everything up again. I thought I lost you for good...”

“Shouyou, I’m sorry… I was immature, and scared… and I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that you were- in.. love with me.”

“I think.. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight,” Shouyou whispered, eyes glassy. “I have class tomorrow, I- I don’t want to be late.” 

Shouyou is beginning to withdraw, and Kenma’s heart aches because- he rarely ever _does this_ when it’s _Kenma_ he’s talking to. They were best friends, they were each other’s rock and they always had each other’s backs... 

“Goodbye, Kenma.” 

...But ever since that summer, he couldn’t help but feel that he was beginning to become a boulder that heavily weighed down on Shouyou’s shoulders. 

Shouyou goes on about the rest of this _extremely_ eventful week on autopilot. He attends his classes, does his homework, goes to training and he repeats. He doesn’t really bother talking to anyone else, choosing to bury himself in a mix of volleyball and his studies. He finally gets around submitting an application for the tutorial program, and he had gotten a response around two days later that they had assigned a student to help him out. He wanted to work on his English, and he figured that doing it with a person around his age was a good idea while he continued to look for actual tutors that he can get proper lessons from. 

Thankfully, the rest of the week goes by rather _smoothly._ He’s already halfway through the second week, and everything is going okay.

The only oddity of his routine was the Kenma-sized hole in it.

Kenma hadn’t messaged him at all, and naturally, Shouyou felt sad about it but he opted on distracting himself when he felt himself getting upset over it. Which, was kind of easy, because _man_ college was such a fucking pain. However, he’s very grateful for the kind souls in some of his classes that make the effort to communicate with him despite the language barrier. It was weird, he could understand them mostly but it was still a challenge to translate his thoughts into words when he talked.

Meanwhile at training, he tried his best to keep his spirits high. He guessed that they didn’t really notice anything off with him since they hadn’t known him for long, which made him incredibly relieved because he didn’t really want anyone else pressuring him into talking about his wonderful relationship issues.

So, for the most part, nothing really changed in his college life.

Which meant, Kei was still being an insufferable _ass._

They had just finished training and were all cleaning up in the locker rooms. Shouyou was just about ready to go back to his bed at the dorm and sleep until he’s practically dead to the world, because he had stayed up late the previous night for one of his production classes. He had just finished changing into a fresh set of clothes when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hey, where do you want to meet up tomorrow, tiny?” It was Kei, who had his back slung over his right shoulder, his right hand gripping the strap. The same pair of headphones that he had seen on Kei the first time they met was resting around his neck again as he regarded Shouyou with that stupid half-smirk of his. 

“What the hell do you mean?” Shouyou frowns, crossing his arms as he turns to fully face Kei.

“For our date, of course.” Kei smoothly replies, not missing a beat as he mirrors Shouyou’s stance, who turns bright red as he finds himself stuttering, _again._

“Oh, what? You guys are dating?” Koutarou has come up behind Kei, slinging an arm around blond whose face takes on an expression of distaste, nose scrunching up as he tries to shrug off Koutarou. Beside Koutarou, Tobio has also materialised, looking only mildly interested in the conversation.

“N-no! The hell are you on, stupid!” Shouyou exclaims, eyes wide as he stares at Kei as if he’d grown another head. “As if I’d ever go on a date with you…”

“Tch.” Kei snorts, sighing as he reaches into his pocket in order to retrieve his phone. The three of them watch as he unlocks his phone and taps a few keys, before he holds out the phone to show Shouyou the screen. Shouyou squints as he leans closer to read, a chilling sensation running up his body as he absorbs every word that’s written. 

“Don’t you ever check your emails, tiny? I guess your head is either full of volleyball, or full of thoughts about _me._ ”

But Shouyou doesn’t respond, his expression morphing into what can be described as a mix between pure shock and horror. Their other two companions are unable to stop themselves from sniggering at Shouyou’s face, Tobio speaking up. “Tsukishima, I think you broke him.” 

Hinata could only think, _Why the fuck does this happen to me?_

 _Office for Student Services_ _  
__PEER TUTORIAL PROGRAM_ _  
__ASSIGNMENT DETAILS_ _  
__  
_ _Tutor Profile_ _  
__Tsukishima Kei_ _  
__Student no. xxxx-xxxxx_ _  
__Second Year_ _  
__Archaeology_ _  
__  
_ _Tutee Profile_ _  
__Hinata Shouyou_ _  
__Student no. xxxx-xxxxx_   
_First Year_ _  
__Broadcast Studies_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update!! i feel like this one is a bit longer than the others??  
> i'm not sure if there will be an update tomorrow, because i'm a bit behind on my writing schedule.  
> however, if you're still with me up til now, thank you so much!!  
> have a good day <3


	6. Wounds and Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Um.. Kei,” Shouyou mumbles, pushing his phone back into his pocket as he redirects his stare onto the table in front of him, clearing his throat when the latter merely responds with a hum. “Uh..t… thanks…”
> 
> “Hm? Sorry, come again?”
> 
> “I said thanks, stupid.”
> 
> “I’m kind of deaf, I need you to repeat that a bit louder.”
> 
> “... Okay, now you’re just fucking with me,” Shouyou deadpans.

_This day is passing by too quickly_ , Shouyou thinks. He groans, dropping his head on top of his arms as his last professor of the day dismisses the class. He can hear the students around him rise from their seats, chattering amongst themselves as they clean up and slowly file out the room. Shouyou only starts moving once the students from the class after theirs start to arrive, and even so, he was still in a very sluggish mood. 

As Shouyou exits the classroom and begins his (okay, maybe he’s exaggerating) journey towards death, he takes out his phone in order to check the time. 3:31 PM. He had arranged to meet Kei at 4PM, so he had time.

_Oh, Tsukishima Kei._

Shouyou is already feeling the beginnings of a headache at the thought of having to spend the rest of his afternoon with the middle blocker, _let alone be tutored by him, dammit._ He can already imagine the neverending switch between flirting and insulting and Shouyou swears one day he’s going to spike a ball into that blond’s smirking face. 

Puffing his cheeks, Shouyou shoves his hands into his pockets while making his way along the university walk, barely paying any attention to the flurry of activity around him. His thoughts can’t help but drift to his best friend, who has yet to message him since their… disagreement. He’s well aware that he acted out quite rashly. And everytime he replays the whole thing in his head, the guilt that he feels grows bigger and bigger. He almost wanted to take everything back. _Almost._

The thing is, after the fall-out they had, Shouyou was miserable. It went on for days, weeks. It took a month and a half before Kenma finally came up to him. And even then, the boy had just acted as if everything was fine and he had just not ignored Shouyou for the past _six weeks._ Shouyou wanted to scream at him, ask him how he could act as if everything was normal and okay. He wanted to let Kenma know that he was hurt, upset, angry, confused - most of all, he was _scared._ And perhaps, that’s precisely the reason why he said nothing. 

Above anything, he was scared to lose Kenma completely.

And he feared that if he said something about feelings again, Kenma would be put off and he would disappear. Kenma leaving him was a thought that Shouyou couldn’t even begin to fathom, so he went along with it and said nothing at all. And the two of them pretended like everything was right and merry. Even though something in their relationship had changed, they never properly talked about it. Now they were paying for the consequences of their avoidance, and Shouyou truly had no idea where to go from there.

In the midst of his train of thought, Shouyou realized that he was already standing in front of the cafe that they had agreed to meet in. He stares up at the signage for a long moment, debating on whether or not he should just make a run for it and make up some excuse. But then again, he would feel guilty because Kei had freed up his schedule to accommodate Shouyou, and the orange head did not want to come off as rude. 

Clenching his fists in an attempt to calm his nerves, Shouyou reaches out to push the doors open, greeted by the familiar smell of coffee and freshly baked bread. There’s a quiet hum of conversations among the cafe patrons, mixed in with the calming music being played in the background. Eyes scanning the tables, he finds Kei tucked away at a booth in a corner with his headphones on with his laptop set up in front of him. There’s a small frown on the blond’s face while his fingers fiercely tap away on the keyboard, and Shouyou would never _ever_ admit it out loud, but it was actually kind of. Cute.

Shit, he must be getting sick,

Turning bright red at the crossing thought, Shouyou goes up to the counter to order himself a drink for now. He ordered an iced americano for himself. After paying for his drink and thanking the barista who kindly accommodated him, he walks over to where Kei is seated, sliding into the seat across from him. Kei glances up, merely grunting in lieu of a proper greeting. He continues typing for a few moments, sp Shouyou busies himself by sipping on his straw, one hand holding onto the cup while his free hand traces invisible shapes on the wood of the table. Finally, Kei sighs as he slides off his headphones to its resting place around his neck, pushing his laptop aside before crossing his arms on top of the table. He quirks a brow which Shouyou mimics, the familiar sight of his smirk tugging on his couplets. Kei’s eyes focus on Shouyou’s choice of beverage, his face turning up in a grimace. 

“Ew.”

“Excuse me?” 

“That’s disgusting.” He says, pointing to the drink in Shouyou’s grasp. 

“You just have zero taste, stupid.”

“It’s way too bitter, how the fuck do you enjoy that?” He huffs, propping his elbow up so he can rest his cheek within his palm. “I can never understand how people like their coffee like that.”

“God, I’d be interested to know how much sugar you put in yours.”

“I prefer fruit teas over coffee and chocolate, to be more accurate, tiny.” Kei hums, pushing up his glasses as the smirk on his face widens. “If it’s strawberry flavored, that’s a bonus for me. Just in case you ever think about buying me a drink.”

“In your dreams, ass.” Shouyou sighs, before leaning into the table with his arms, finger absentmindedly toying with his straw. “Anyway, are you going to teach me, or what?”

Sighing softly, Kei leans back into his seat as he turns to his bag to retrieve something, pulling out an envelope. He takes out a few papers from it, setting it down on the table before sliding it over to Shouyou whose eyes focus on the page’s contents. He can make out the words _English Mock Test_ at the top, and he grimaces lightly once he registers the words.

“Alright, let’s see what we have to work with.”

Shouyou did fairly okay on the written exam that Kei had prepared for him. It wasn’t the best, because he was only a few marks above the passing grade, but Kei had said he expected worse. 

However, the oral aspect of it was.. a bit more of a challenge. Everytime he mispronounced a word or struggled with grammar, Kei couldn’t help but snigger, to which Shouyou replies with an affectionate _fuck you._

“Hm, alright, at least I know which areas you need improving on. I’ll send you some material to listen to so you can practice your pronunciation, as well as some papers I want you to go over. We’ll meet twice a week, yeah? Don’t worry, tiny, I know you want to see me more often but you just need to practice a little patience?” 

“Oh shut up.” Shouyou snaps, glaring at Kei. _And apparently,_ that was hilarious, because the middle blocker only laughed, leaning back again. 

“Well, I guess that’s it for now.”, hummed Kei, who began putting away his stuff. Blinking, Shouyou pulled out his phone to check the time, only to see that it was already 6PM. Ah.. he hadn’t even realized the time. And he also didn’t realize that he didn’t check his phone at all during his time with Kei to see if Kenma replied.

_Huh… guess studying is a good way to take my mind off things._

“Um.. Kei,” Shouyou mumbles, pushing his phone back into his pocket as he redirects his stare onto the table in front of him, clearing his throat when the latter merely responds with a hum. “Uh..t… thanks…”

“Hm? Sorry, come again?”

“I said thanks, stupid.”

“I’m kind of deaf, I need you to repeat that a bit louder.”

“... Okay, now you’re just fucking with me,” Shouyou deadpans, lifting his head to glare at the blond who widely grins at him, winking at the orange head instead of responding verbally. 

And if anyone asked if that made Shouyou turn pink at the stupid action, he would firmly deny it.

He’s laying in bed later that night, absentmindedly scrolling through his Twitter feed when he receives a prompt from Instagram.

_@190cms followed you._

Squinting, he opens the application to check the new follower’s profile. _God, he fucking put his height for his username._ Shouyou rolls his eyes, as he realizes that said profile belonged to none other his _lovely_ teammate Kei. Begrudgingly, he follows the blond back. Almost instantly, he receives a dm. 

_From @190cms_ _  
_ _Tiny, I’m quite offended that you chose not to follow me._ _  
  
_

_From @shouyeah_ _  
_ _how the hell did u find me anyway_ _  
_ _wtf u stalking me?_

 _From @190cms_ _  
_ _You were in my recommended users._ _  
_ _You followed Koutarou and Kageyama but not me?_ _  
_ _I’m wounded. I thought I was your favorite._

 _From @shouyeah_ _  
_ _tf_ _  
_ _no ure not_ _  
_ _u annoying lol_

 _  
_ _From @190cms_ _  
_ _That’s Hinata Speak for “I’m shy, but you’re my favorite, Kei.”_ _  
_ _No worries._ _  
_ _I got it._ _  
_   
_From @shouyeah_ _  
dumbass_

_Akira Kunimi is calling you…_

Blinking in surprise, Shouyou accepts the call and presses the phone to his ear, “Hello?”

_“Alright, what the fuck is going on.”_

“Wait, what?”

 _“Kenma has called me over six times the past week, and I am about to pull my hair out because he won’t tell me what’s going on, and I swear if I have to play another damn game or see so much as a tripod for the next few months I’m going to scream.”_ He hears Kunimi sigh, and he can almost imagine the annoyed expression he’s wearing right now judging from the tone of his voice. 

“I.. well, how much do you know?”

Kunimi pauses for a moment, before speaking. _“I know that you’re mad at him, and you haven’t been talking to him at all. And he’s giving you ‘space’, but in the process he’s just turning into a miserable idiot.”_

“He’s going to flip if he hears you call him an idiot,” Shouyou laughs, throwing his arm over his eyes as they flutter close.

 _“Just calling it like it is. Actually, the pair of you are idiots,”_ Kunimi says, _“But seriously, Hinata. Is it that bad?”_

Shouyou pauses, pursing his lips as he debates on what he would say. Kunimi was there and had seen the worst of Shouyou after the.. argument happened during their third year. He had confided in Kunimi and Yamaguchi during that time, though both of them did not offer much input, they listened well. 

“I... he wanted to talk about us,” Shouyou begins slowly. “About my feelings… you know, our relationship and all.”

_“And? Is that bad? I feel like that’s a good idea, you both have unresolved shit that you’ve been avoiding, right?”_

“Yes, but. I don’t know, I just don’t want to talk about it. It hurts too much to remember.”

_“But that’s the point, you talk about it so that the pain goes away. Not entirely, but at least a lot of it. Don’t you want to fix your relationship?”_

“I- Well, of course I do! We both know that something has changed since that summer, and I want so badly for it to right itself, but.. but, I just. I don’t know. I..”

_“...”_

“...”

_“Shouyou?”_

“I’m scared…” Shouyou breathes out, eyes closing shut as he places his hand on his chest, fisting his shirt while tears pool at the corner of his eyes. “I’m scared, Kunimi. He has become a part of my life in more ways than one, that so much of my existence is intertwined with his own. Sometimes, I find it scary how he can read me so well, you know?” 

“I.. I can’t remember the exact moment I started to love him. It just creeped up on me, I guess. It’s like, I’ve just.. always loved him for everything that he is, because he saw me for all that I am. I love him, because he’s the gravity that keeps my feet on the ground, steady and still. He’s the constant who’s always been there even when it seems like the world has turned against me. He’s my _best friend,_ and I.. I love him so much that it _hurts.”_

“It hurts whenever I remember the silence. How he didn’t answer my calls, texts, even when I came over he never answered the door. It was as if he fucking _disappeared._ It drove me insane. Because how can you fucking say all of those stupid promises, how can you fucking hold me as if you would never let go, how can you fucking smile and tell me that you’re here to stay when in the end, _you would just turn and walk away anyway?_ ”

"And then, one day he comes back as if nothing ever happened, as if he didn't break my heart into smithereens. He pretends that all is right between the two of us, and I'm _so_ fucking confused, I want to scream and cry and ask him _why._ And I want to, I truly do it's just.. the fear of losing him altogether. And having to go back to a life where he's no longer a part of it... the idea of that hurt so much more. I know that it's idiotic, the way I chose to avoid it rather than resolve it but at the time I was just so happy that he came back to me. And I was determined to do anything if it meant that he stayed."

Shouyou is breathing heavily now, the tears running freely down his cheeks as he claws at his chest, curling into himself as a strangled sob finally escapes his lips. There’s silence on the other end of the line, his soft cries filling the room for a long moment. After a few minutes, Shouyou calms down, sniffling to himself. 

“It’s been two years,” Shouyou whispers. “But.. for some reason, I can clearly remember the pain, as if everything happened just yesterday.”

Silence.

 _“It’s because wounds heal…”_ Kunimi’s voice is gentle as he continues, _“but scars don’t truly fade.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tsukihina's study sessions begin!! wonder what's in store for these two now  
> muahahaha  
> and some angst bcs why not i like to hurt myself  
> thank you so much for everyone who leaves kudos and comments!!  
> i missed writing, and i'm glad you all enjoy it <3  
> until the next update! have a nice day ehehe


	7. Sketches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There, keep yourself occupied while I try to draw your ugly face, tiny.”
> 
> “God, fuck off, you’re uglier.”
> 
> “But somehow you can’t help but fall for this face, anyway.”
> 
> Shouyou facepalms, the trio merely laughing at his reaction.

Shouyou wakes up with a pounding headache, cussing softly as he begrudgingly peels his eyes open. Yawning softly, he stretches his arms out to wake up his muscles, freezing in realization.  _ Wait, the fuck when did I fall asleep?  _

Eyes wide, Shouyou sits up, making a noise when the world spins momentarily from how fast he moves. Patting around the bed for his phone, he finds it under his pillow. Pressing the power switch, the device’s screen stays black.  _ Battery’s dead. Right, fuck, I must have fallen asleep last night while I was on the phone with Kunimi.  _ He glances at the digital clock on his nightstand, seeing that it's a little past 11AM. Thankfully, it was a Saturday and he didn’t have anything scheduled so he didn’t miss anything major. He sighs, crawling out of bed in order to walk over to his desk, plugging in his phone to charge while he takes a shower.

A while later, he’s drying his hair with a towel while sitting in his desk chair, booting up his laptop. While waiting, he opens his phone in order to check his notifications. 

_ Instagram: _ _   
_ _ From @190cms _ _   
_ _ My ass is not dumb.  _ _   
_ _ I’m sure you think my ass is nice. _ _   
  
_

Snorting, Shouyou types his reply, shaking his head at the  _ audacity  _ of this  _ bitch.  _

_ From @shouyeah _ _   
_ _ ur ass is flat, kei _ _   
_ _ and if anything, /you/ think my ass is nice _ _   
_ _ dw i wont judge, im just irresistible  _

Pressing send, he swipes down to check his other notifications, seeing two messages from Kunimi.

_ From: Akira Kunimi _ _   
_ _ you fell asleep. i hung up. _ _   
_ _ good night, shouyou. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ From: Akira Kunimi _ _   
_ _ i hope that you sort things out with him soon. _ _   
_ __ but at the same time, please take care of your heart.

He reads the words over again, once, twice. Then, he slumps against his chair, head lolling back while taking a deep breath. He stays like that for a few minutes before sitting up properly again, deciding to bury himself in work rather than stress over his sad life. He knows that he should probably talk to Kenma soon.. he should stop running away from this. He knows that, he really does.

Shouyou supposes he can put it off a  _ tad  _ bit longer.

Four hours later, Shouyou finds himself walking through university town, hands shoved into his pockets. He had just finished his dinner which consisted of a sandwich from Subway. It wasn’t particularly hot since it was later in the afternoon, so he had decided to take a short walk because he didn’t feel all that eager to go back to his lonely dorm. At times like these was when he missed Japan the most. He missed being able to spend time with Natsu on Saturdays like this at the park. He missed having his friends a call away if he ever wanted to hang out. He missed the food, the scenery, the people - he missed  _ home _ . He had thought that he would be fine, had expected the homesickness to hit him when he first arrived. However, he had definitely underestimated just how badly he would miss everything he had ever gotten used to, and he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t feel any tinge of regret. 

But he had chosen to come here anyway despite the numerous offers for him to play a little closer to home back in Japan. He almost did, anyway. However, the summer before his final year in high school changed a lot of his original plans.

He realizes that ever since he met Kenma, their lives have been truly entwined in so many different ways that it was hard to imagine the two of them separated. They knew each other so well, maybe better than they knew themselves. Shouyou realized that so much of the future that he had dreamt of involved so much of  _ Kenma  _ and when the fight happened he felt so scared because suddenly his future felt  _ empty.  _

That scared him. 

In the time that he and Kenma were apart, he had realized so many things that he wishes he could have remained ignorant of. But there was one glaringly obvious realization that he learned from it.  _ Kenma won’t always be there.  _

It scared him how much of his life revolved around Kenma, how much of his  _ love  _ he gave to him. Not that it was Kenma’s fault at all. But it was more on Shouyou, for making a person his whole damn world in the first place. 

In a way, Shouyou had hoped the distance would help him find his own footing, to learn to live in a world where he didn’t have to look behind him every few seconds in search of Kenma’s approval and reassurance. It’s not that he wanted Kenma to leave his life completely, no. He just didn’t want to rely too much on Kenma, because news flash,  _ he wasn’t always going to be there.  _ That summer was a reality check for him.

Snapping out of his reverie, he paused to take in his surroundings. He had reached the town square where the weekend market was taking place. He glanced at his wristwatch to check the time and hummed, figuring that he deserved some leisure time considering that he had done a pretty decent amount of work. 

As he begins to walk along, merely smiling at the vendors who call for his attention, the busy sounds of people calling out prices and offers drowning out the thoughts in his head. He lights up when he sees a stall that sells soft serve ice cream, and he  _ really  _ shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself anyway. He buys himself a vanilla cone, thanking the kind man who had given him an extra swirl, bless his heart.

Shouyou continues his mindless strolling when something interesting catches his eye. At the back of the stalls, in an area a bit further from the market, he recognizes the side profile of Tsukishima Kei, who sat across a young woman. In his hands were a sketchbook and a pencil, his legs crossed over one another as he sketched. Beside him, there were two other guys who mimicked his stance.

Beside the trio was a table where a pretty girl was sitting, talking to a couple who seemed to be inquiring about the services. Tacked to the table was a tarpaulin that read  _ Sketches for a Cause.  _ Quite surprised by the sight, Shouyou slowly approaches the table, going unnoticed by Kei who was still immersed in his sketching. He hangs around behind the couple who hands their payment to the pretty girl, who directs them to the two men who sat beside Kei, having just finished the people they were sketching. Shouyou notes that the one who sat directly next to his teammate had an undercut with blonde dyed hair, and the guy on the furthest end of the trio had gray hair.

“Hello, would you like to avail of our sketches?” A soft voice asks, and Shouyou snaps his head back to face the girl. Up close, Shouyou realizes that she was even prettier, and something about her tone was soothing. She wore glasses and had a beauty mark near her lips, her hair held out of the way from her face by a white headband.

“Yes,” Shouyou answers, turning bright red when he realizes he had spoken in Japanese. He quickly remedies his mistake, apologizing in broken English but is stopped short by a soft chuckle from the lady, who responds in fluent Japanese.

“No worries. It’s nice to meet another of your own every once in a while.” Shouyou’s mouth drops open in realization before he looks back at Kei’s two other companions, pointing to them. “Are they also…?”

“Yes. We’re members of the Asian Artists Organization of the university. We’re doing this fundraising project to purchase art supplies for the children at the local orphanage,” She explains, handing out a pamphlet to Shouyou. “My name’s Kiyoko Shimizu, majoring in Marine Biology.”

“I’m Hinata Shouyou, majoring in Broadcast Studies!” He introduces, grinning brightly at Shimizu. Shimizu responds with her own smile and is about to speak when a voice interrupts them.

“I’m seriously beginning to think you’re stalking me, tiny. Do you miss me that much?” Kei drawls, sketchbook and pencil gripped in his right hand, head tilted to the side as golden-brown eyes regard Shouyou with a hint of mirth shining in them. 

“Dumbass, I’m not! I just happened to be checking out the market,” Shouyou huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. Shimizu merely watches them with slight amusement, before speaking up. “Then I guess, Kei will do your portrait, yes?”

“Sure. I’ll draw you like you’re one of my french girls, sweetheart.” Kei grins, who seemed to relish in the deep red that paints Shouyou’s cheeks as the orange haired spiker attempts to form a coherent sentence.

“Stop teasing our customer, Kei.” Shimizu affectionately says, waving the tall blond off. Kei obliges, not before rolling his eyes at Shouyou who (maturely) sticks his tongue out at him. Shouyou gives his payment to Shimizu whom he chats with for a few more moments before he makes his way over to the vacant seat across Kei, who has a wide grin on his face.

“Really thinking that you must’ve missed me so much you decided to come look for me, tiny.” He muses, opening his sketchpad to a new page before leaning back, starting off his sketch.

“Shut the fuck up,” Shouyou murmurs, an expression of annoyance marring his features as he crosses his arms, averting his gaze to the side so he wouldn’t have to look at Kei’s  _ stupid  _ face. There’s a few moments of silence before he finally speaks up again. 

“I didn’t peg you as the type to be into drawing or stuff,” Shouyou says, trying to make conversation because  _ fuck he really sucks at trying to stay still, why’d he make himself suffer like this?  _

“Hm, it’s just a pastime”

“Tsukki got into it because he really liked sketching dinosaurs as a kid,” The undercut guy next to Kei muses, to which Kei responds with a scowl and a firm  _ shut the fuck up you asshole.  _ The undercut guy only laughs before taking out the sketch from his sketchbook, handing it to the woman of the couple, thanking her before turning back to Shouyou. “Miya Atsumu, I major in Political Science. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around before?”

“Hinata Shouyou, majoring in Broadcast. I’m a freshman so... I guess that’s why.” Shouyou says, to which Atsumu responds with a thoughtful hum. “How’d you meet Tsukki?” 

“I play for the volleyball varsity!” 

“Oh! Tsumu and I used to play back in high school too! Well, we played against each other, anyway. Hi Shouyou, I’m Sugawara Koushi!” The gray haired man from earlier pipes up as he takes the vacant seat across Atsumu and beside Shouyou. He seems to have just finished his own sketch of the guy he was working on, reaching out to shake Shouyou’s hand. 

“There, keep yourself occupied while I try to draw your ugly face, tiny.”

“God, fuck off, you’re uglier.”

“But somehow you can’t help but fall for this face, anyway.”

Shouyou facepalms, the trio merely laughing at his reaction.

It takes Kei thirty minutes to finish the sketch while Shouyou avidly talks to Atsumu and Suga, surprisingly enjoying himself while he converses with the third-years. It was nice to meet people who spoke the same language as he does. In the end, he had exchanged numbers with Suga and Atsumu, feeling a bit lighter than he was a few hours ago. 

Shouyou turns out to be the last customer of the day, since it was starting to get late. He stuck around for a bit to help them load the table and chairs into the back of Suga’s car.

“Hey, are we still on for dinner?” Kei asks after they’re done packing up, retrieving his bag from the trunk before Suga closes it. 

“Sorry, I’ll have to pass. My mom wants ‘Samu and I home by 7, our grandma’s coming over for dinner.” Atsumu says, before turning to Shouyou. “It was nice meeting you, squirt, guess I’ll have to drag my twin to see one of your games this season.”

“Nice to meet you too!” Shouyou waves, the others also bidding him goodbye as he leaves.

“What about you two?” Kei asks, to which Shimizu and Suga respond with apologetic smiles. “Shimizu and I have an exam tomorrow, so we’re going to her house to review with a study group.”

“Ah, I see. Guess it’s going to be just you and me, tiny.” Kei sighs dramatically, placing his arm around Shouyou’s shoulders. Shouyou grimaced, trying to wriggle to get his arm off his shoulders to no avail, with only one thought in mind. 

_ This is going to be chaos.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey loves!! am so sorry i haven't gotten back to your comments yet but please know that i appreciate them from the bottom of my heart!  
> T____________________T it really means a lot, so i tried my hardest to get this chapter out!  
> i was gonna include the dinner in this chapter but my brain is fried and refuses to allow me to write any further so that will have to wait until the next update <3  
> in other news, i'm debating on creating a writer twt where i can interact with you guys because lord knows i /desperately/ need new people to gush over haikyuu with djhfshfjssfsjhgdjh we'll see!  
> okay, that's all! thank you guys and have a wonderful night/day <3


	8. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From: Kenma  
> shouyou, please.  
> we need to talk.  
> can i call you?

It takes them around twenty minutes (after a lot of bickering) before they finally agreed on a small restaurant that offered Asian comfort food. After ordering their food, Kei leans against the table with his elbow propped up, chin resting on top of his knuckles as he takes the liberty to stare, like really _stare_ at Shouyou’s face.

Understandably, Shouyou is a little bit unnerved to be subject to such a burning gaze, reacting in a form of a light scowl on his face. “What’re you looking at?”

“Hm. Nothing,” He dryly states, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I’m just trying to figure you out.”

Shouyou blinks once, twice at Kei, clearly taken by surprise. Whatever response he had been expecting, he did not expect the one he received. Clearing his throat, Shouyou leans his arms against the table as he levels his own stare at Kei, who has not relinquished the calculating stare he pinned Shouyou with. 

“Figure me out?”, asks Shouyou, searching for clarification.

“Trying to figure out what you’re doing here, a thousand miles away from home to play volleyball.” Kei explains, switching to place his cheek against his palm now, genuine curiosity shining in the blond’s golden orbs. At the statement, Shouyou averts his gaze, suddenly finding his glass of water _extremely_ interesting. 

“S’a long story, and to be frank, I don’t really feel like talking about that.” Shouyou sheepishly answers. Kei nods, pursing his lips in thought. “Okay, I won’t push. You can tell me all about it once you feel okay with that.

“Why do you want to know?” Shouyou frowns, meeting Kei’s gaze head on once more. 

“I’m a very curious man, tiny,” Kei shrugs, before continuing. “And well, I don’t know. There’s just something about you…”

“What do you mean?”

Kei is quiet for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face. Shouyou almost thinks he’s not going to get a reply, but then Kei speaks again.

“When I look at you, I just feel like there’s more of you to discover. And for some reason, I feel like you’re trying to unravel those parts of yourself, too.”

Shouyou stills. Kei has a small smile, but it bears no malice.

The two of them take a sip from their glasses as their food arrives, Shouyou filing away the words Kei had uttered into the back of his mind to pick apart for later.

Shouyou feels a little perplexed, because despite the occasional teasing remark that’s meant to irritate him, coupled with their petty arguments over things they disagree on, he’s actually having a pretty enjoyable time. When he had agreed to grab dinner with Kei, he had expected for them to be throwing insults at each other every few seconds. But surprisingly, Kei was a very amicable companion to be with. 

_Huh._

He learns a little more about Kei that evening. Kei had moved here when he was six, when his father had gotten reassigned for work. He has an older brother named Akiteru, who was the reason why he got into volleyball. Kei has gone back home to Japan a couple of times over the past years, to visit his grandparents and relatives. He learns that Kei, who majors in Archaeology, didn’t always plan on pursuing it, and that he had originally dreamt of becoming a pilot. 

“Why didn’t you?”

(Kei taps his glasses in response to that.)

“ _Oh.”_

In return, Shouyou tells him about himself. He has a younger sister, Natsu, who is staying with his maternal grandparents back at home. 

“Where are your parents?” 

“My dad left me when I was young, and my mom passed a while ago.” 

“ _Oh_.” 

He tells him of how he started playing volleyball, the story of the first time he saw a volleyball match live because of tickets that his mother had won. He tells him of how afterwards, he had held onto his mother’s hand so tight, his eyes shining bright as he declared his intentions of becoming a world-renowned volleyball player.

Kei started drawing because of his interest in dinosaurs, and he had a habit of doodling in the corners of his notebooks and margins of his books when he was younger. (He was not obsessed with dinosaurs, Atsumu can kindly fuck off, _thank you_.) Shouyou experiments in the kitchen in his free time, having learned to cook for Natsu and his mother at a tender age. (He’s pretty decent, he thinks. And fine, maybe he’ll cook for Kei one of these days.)

A little later, after they’ve finished their plates and emptied their glasses, Kei is talking about the one time Koutarou had accidentally spiked a ball into Coach Barnes’ face during practice because Tobio had said something about spiking with eyes closed and _I am an ace I can do anything if I believe!_

“Man, I imagine the coaches were _not_ pleased about that.” Shouyou laughs, the image of a very irritated coach with a red forehead in his mind now.

“No, they weren’t. Kou had to do twice the number of exercises that day, so I think he learned his lesson.” Kei chuckles.

They pay for the meals and leave the store, two hours after they first came in. It’s now half past seven, and Shouyou is a bit surprised that he didn’t even notice the time pass. He truly didn’t expect much from his impromptu outing with Kei. He says as much while they’re walking back towards campus, to which Kei responds with a snort as he laces his fingers together to rest around his nape, stretching out as they continue the walk back.

“Careful, tiny, I’d say you’re starting to fall for me.”

“Oh please, Kei, you wish.” He retorts, but there’s no bite in his voice this time. If Kei notices, he says nothing about it, and they continue on for the rest of the walk in comfortable silence. Kei, as if remembering something, begins to rummage through his bag to retrieve something. Shouyou pays him no mind, enjoying the quiet of the night as they approach the campus. 

Wordlessly, Kei holds out a folded piece of paper, which Shouyou realizes must be the sketch. He hadn’t even realised that he hadn’t asked for it yet, so he took it from Kei with a small thank you. He unfolds the paper and barely manages to suppress a gasp at how _accurate_ the drawing was. 

“This is so good, Kei, what the fuck.” He says in awe, eyes wide as he admires the careful lines and shades that made up his portrait.

“It doesn’t compare to the real thing, though.” 

He says it with so much ease, in his usual lazy drawl, and it isn’t the first time he gives such a _flirty_ comment but for some reason, Shouyou is flustered and is unable to say anything else except _shut up, you ass._

Later on, once he’s safely back in his bed and is drifting in and out of sleep, Shouyou remembers Kei’s words.

_“When I look at you, I just feel like there’s more of you to discover. And for some reason, I feel like you’re trying to unravel those parts of yourself, too.”_

He’s just about to completely succumb to _sleep_ when he feels the vibration of his phone, signalling a notification. Eyes half-lidded, he reaches for it from where it’s been laying next to his pillow, unlocking it while suppressing a yawn. 

He opens the notification, eyes scanning to see what it was, all signs of sleepiness disappearing as he processes its contents. The message is unmistakable, and the sender of it even more so. 

_From: Kenma_ _  
_ _shouyou, please._ _  
_ _we need to talk._ _  
_ _can i call you?_

 _From: Shouyou_ _  
_ _okay._

They’re both quiet for a good few minutes once Shouyou picks up the call. It’s deadly quiet, with only the sounds of their breathing heard through the speakers as neither of them speak up, both a bit unsure of where to start. Eventually, it’s Shouyou who breaks the silence first with a sigh, pushing himself up the bed in favor of leaning against his bed frame. 

“So? Are you going to say anything?” There’s a tinge or irritation in his voice, but Shouyou retains a gentle tone. He hears Kenma clears his throat, and Shouyou diverts his attention to toying with a stray fiber hanging loose from his shirt as he waits.

 _“I guess I’ll start with where it’s more obvious,”_ Kenma finally speaks, _“I’m sorry, for what happened.”_

He pauses, waiting to see if Shouyou will respond. When silence is the only thing that greets him, he continues.

_“I shouldn’t have pushed you, Shouyou. You were uncomfortable bringing it up, and I didn’t respect that. I’m sorry, because I know that it brought back some ugly memories. I.. Shouyou, we haven’t been okay for a long time. The two of us know that, right? I just… I hated it. I had no idea what to do, and I didn’t know how to help you because you wouldn’t tell me-”_

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you don’t _need_ to know everything about me?” Shouyou cuts in, his tone hardened.

 _“I- Shouyou, of course not.”_ He can’t see Kenma’s face, but he knows judging from the tone that he’s frowning. _“But I’m worried, and this is somehow involving the two of us, it’s_ our _relationship.”_

“So when it comes to my feelings, you’re automatically entitled to know?” Shouyou exhales, free hand clenching into a fist. “But when it comes to you, I’m not allowed to ask.”

 _“What? Shouyou that’s not_ fair- _”_

“Fair?” He bites out, his feelings spilling over the edges, veiled anger laced in his voice. “So, was it fair when you walked out on me after I confessed that I was in love with you? Was it fair when you disappeared on me for more than a month afterwards, ignoring every call and text? Was it fair when you suddenly came back one day, pretending that it was all okay?” 

He’s not crying, but he sounds so heartbroken that Kenma feels sick because _he’s doing this to Shouyou, he’s_ hurting _him._

_“Shouyou, I was scared. But… I realized that it’s stupid to run away from feelings, and problems, which is why I wanted to talk to you about it.”_

“And you saw it fit to talk about this when I’m halfway across the world? You decided it’s okay to talk about this when it’s been a year, when I’ve gotten used to _pretending_ for your sake, because I was scared that you’d run away again.”

_“I never asked you to pretend for me, Shouyou.”_

“No, but I did it anyway because I’ve always done everything for you, if it means that you will be happy and okay.” Shouyou responds, his voice tired and so, _so_ soft. “Kenma, I’ve always been _yours._ ”

The words slip past his lips, and he knows that they’ve reached Kenma because he doesn’t have any response for that. And this is what Shouyou has realized for a while now. He’s always been Kenma’s. Not in a romantic sense, no- but he’s always belonged to Kenma in a sense that wherever he went, Shouyou followed. Whatever he did, Shouyou picked up. Whatever he said, Shouyou listened.

He’s always belonged to Kenma, that he forgot that he also belonged to _himself._

“You know what isn’t fair, Kenma?” Shouyou murmurs, head slumping against the wood behind him as his eyes flutter shut. Kenma is quiet, but he knows he’s waiting. 

“It isn’t fair that I fell unconditionally, incredibly, and hopelessly in love with my best friend.”

_"I'm sorry."_

Shouyou exhales, shaking his head to himself. They both don't say anything for a long time, the words that the ginger still hanging heavily in the air. Shouyou nearly thinks that Kenma had dropped the call without noticing when he speaks up again.

 _"I think... we both need some time to think."_ Kenma says carefully.

"Yeah," he agrees, "I just don't think this is the best time for either of us."

 _"Right."_ Kenma's voice is soft. _"Take care of yourself, okay?"_

"Of course."

_"Goodbye, Shouyou."_

Kenma waits for a response, but he doesn't give him any. The way Kenma said that was resigned, as if this was a last goodbye and Shouyou refused to agree to that, so he kept his mouth set into a thin line until he hears Kenma sigh and hang up. He stays in that position for a long time, phone still pressed against his ear as he stares into space in front of him. His fist is tightly clenched now as he inhales a shaky breath, lowering his head. He hadn't realized that he had started crying at some point, and he finally succumbs into his sadness as he drops the phone on the bed, hugging his knees to his chest. He buries his face into his arms, soft sobs wracking through his body as the memories all hit at once, his happiest and saddest moments with Kenma. He _knows_ that his words have forever changed something between them.

He falls asleep curled under his duvet, tear stains on his cheek and lingering thoughts of feline eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey loves! missed an update yesterday because i wasn't happy with the chapter quite yet, and i had prior commitments.  
> originally, i wasn't going to update tonight either, but i decided to do my best anyway!!!  
> if you're still keeping up with the story, thank you so much for your continued support <3  
> have a good night or day!


	9. Pasta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, so why are we here? Are we dropping off your stuff?” Shouyou queries, trailing after Kei as he walks up the pathway leading to the front door. He hears Kei chuckle before he responds.
> 
> “No, it’s time to meet the parents, tiny.”
> 
> “What?”

The rest of his weekend is not so eventful as he had spent most of it holed up in his room crying like a little _baby._ The beginning of his week proved to be no better either, and it feels like he had just been stuck in a sort of routine. By the time Wednesday rolls around, Shouyou feels like he’s existed in space for an eternity.

He had just finished his shower and was preparing his bag and papers when he received an email from his professor that his morning class had been canceled which elicited a grimace on his face when he remembers that his afternoon class was also free as a reading break. So, Shouyou had just gotten up at _seven in the fucking morning_ for nothing.

Oh Joy.

Just when he actually woke up in a pretty okay mood for once, his classes are freaking canceled and _man,_ seriously? Shouyou groans as he m /collapses onto his bed, pulling a pillow on top of his face to muffle his frustrated scream. _God, can I catch a break?_

He debates going back to sleep because quite frankly, he definitely needs more of it. So he resolves burrowing under the warm covers, eyes fluttering shut in an effort to allow sleep to take over once again. After a few minutes of _nothing,_ Shouyou opens his eyes again with a heavy sigh, concluding that he would not be drifting off to sleep anytime soon. 

_Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees Kenma and the life they’ve shared._

Sleep doesn’t come easy recently anyway. 

That’s why he finds himself with his laptop watching volleyball videos later on, figuring he could at least monitor some games and pick up some new techniques he might be able to adapt and try out. He’s not really in much mood to go out nor does he want to attempt at the thirty pages of readings he had to go through for tomorrow, so this would have to do.

He’s on his second hour of watching a compilation of impressive ball saves when his phone vibrates. Without removing his gaze from where it’s glued to, he grabs his phone and unlocks it swiftly, before finally prying his eyes away in order to check what the notification was. 

_From @190cms_ _  
_ _Hi. I’m bored._ _  
_ _Entertain me._

 _From @shouyeah_ _  
_ _lol u should pay attention to class_

 _From @190cms_ _  
_ _It’s boring and the professor is talking so slow._ _  
_ _I’m going to fall asleep and I’d rather not embarrass myself._ _  
_ _So._

 _From @shouyeah_ _  
_ _um how is it my problem?? -______-_

 _From @190cms_ _  
_ _It became your problem when you decided to worm your way into my thoughts._ _  
_ _Effectively causing me to miss you._ _  
  
_

“... What the fuck?” Shouyou said out loud, eyes wide as he stared at the message Kei had sent. His cheeks turned bright red as he gripped his phone harder, attempting to regain his composure. He rubbed his eyes, trying to see if he had somehow misread that or imagined it but nope, the message is still there, almost mocking Shouyou as he stares at the chat bubble. 

Snapping out of his stupor, he quickly types a reply just as he sees the typing text bubble pop up from Kei’s end. He presses send first, and he waits with bated breath for his response.

 _From @shouyeah_ _  
_ _ure so dumb_ _  
_ _wtf_

Minutes pass and Kei doesn’t reply, the bubble doesn’t pop up again which causes Shouyou to deflate a little. Sighing, he sets his phone down again to continue scrolling through YouTube, a noticeable pout now on his lips.

Around an hour later, his phone buzzes again and he’s momentarily forgotten about the unusual texts. He’s only reminded again when he finds himself squeaking at the response Kei has given.

 _From @190cms_ _  
_ _You’re so fun to tease, doll._ _  
_ _The class finally ended, and I’m free for the rest of the day._ _  
_ _Wanna go out on a date? l know you miss me._

 _He fucking called me doll. What the fuck._ Shouyou is staring at the text _again_ for a long few minutes before he finally manages to pull himself together, quickly typing a response before pressing send.

 _From @shouyeah_ _  
_ _ew_ _  
_ _s’not a fuckn date_ _  
_ _but ok sure im hungry_

 _From @190cms_   
_Whatever you say, tiny._ _  
_ I’ll meet you at the Campus Drive.

This is how he finds himself standing along the Campus Drive, awaiting Kei's arrival. He’s only a ten minute walk away, so it didn’t take so long, but now he kind of wants to kick himself because he’s here first and he will probably seem so eager and impatient for their… whatever this is. Meet-up, that’s what he was going to call it. 

_But you are excited,_ a little voice in the back of his head whispers.

He mentally squashes that voice and huffs, fumbling with the zipper of his jacket in order to distract himself from any unwelcome thoughts. Why the hell was he so nervous anyway? It’s not like Kei actually meant any of the flirting, anyway. He could barely exist in the same space as the taller without either of them picking a fight with the other.

“Tiny,” The familiar baritone of Kei’s voice sends shivers down his spine as he spins around, firmly bumping into something firm which came in the form of Kei’s chest. The impact has him stumbling back, but a strong arm wraps around his waist in order to steady him. His cheeks flame for the umpteenth time that day because fuck, this was extremely cheesy, and Shouyou made it a point to keep his gaze locked on Kei’s lips instead of his eyes.

“Oops. Did I scare you?” There’s a hint of amusement underlying his tone and Shouyou finally lifts his head up to scowl at him, a snarky remark underway but whatever he had prepared was caught in his throat as he meets Kei’s gaze. And for the first time since they’ve met, Shouyou is really able to _look_ at Kei.

_Wow, he’s.. he’s handsome._

His eyes flit over the other’s features, from his golden orbs, to his nose, to his lips - and he finds himself a little speechless, actually, which Kei eventually notices because the damn blond had the audacity to quirk a brow and smirk lightly. “See something you like, sweetheart?”

Shouyou squawks indignantly as he pushes Kei away, face reminiscent of a tomato as he steps back, eyes looking everywhere _except_ Kei who was busy laughing at the shorter’s obvious flusteredness. 

“Chill,” Kei muses, hands slipping into his pockets as he hangs back before he speaks again. “We should go, I’m pretty hungry too.” 

With that said, Kei turns around and begins walking, leaving Shouyou to stare after him dumbfoundedly for a few seconds before his brain catches up to the situation. He sets off, yelling after the middle blocker to wait for him. (Much to the annoyance and amusement of other students.)

Around fifteen minutes later, Shouyou realizes that they’re heading for the village where residential homes of both students and teachers alike stood. He blinks for a few moments as the row of houses start, before he speaks up.

“Wait, are we headed to your place?”

“Yup.”, came Kei’s reply.

“Oh, you live with your family here?” Shouyou asks curiously.

“Kind of, I only live with my parents here. They’re professors at the uni, mom teaches history while dad teaches psychology. Akiteru has his own apartment and lives about forty minutes from here, he’s a lawyer.” He replies, turning to stop in front of a modern two-story home. It was definitely a bit on the upscale side compared to the other houses, Shouyou notes.

“Okay, so why are we here? Are we dropping off your stuff?” Shouyou queries, trailing after Kei as he walks up the pathway leading to the front door. He hears Kei chuckle before he responds.

“No, it’s time to meet the parents, tiny.”

“ _What?”_

“Kidding! I figured I would cook for you, trying to impress on the first date and all.

Shouyou splutters unattractively, eyes wide as he runs up to smack Kei’s shoulder. “What? This isn’t a date, stupid!”

Kei merely grins as he jams his key into the knob and unlocks the door, pushing it open before holding it back for Shouyou’s entry.

“Sure, tiny. Let me rephrase, our little.. get together? Yes?”

Shouyou merely grunts in reply, taking his time to pause and look around the home. He notes that it’s very clean yet simple in its design, with little touch ups here and there that make it really _feel_ like a home. He wanders into the living room where there’s a wall dedicated to awards, and he finds himself gravitating towards that area. It takes him a moment to realize that he’s looking at the awards Kei and his brother have accumulated over the years. He turns his gaze to Kei’s side, where it is littered with both academic and volleyball medals, plaques and trophies. 

“What the fuck,” Shouyou murmurs, quite in awe at the obvious proof that Kei is one talented _and_ intelligent young man.

 _Handsome, too._ That annoying voice in the back of his head chimes, and he nearly kicks himself for that thought.

“My parents are showy,” Kei muses, standing next to Shouyou. He’s no longer carrying his bag and has foregone the sweater he was wearing earlier for a t-shirt, Shouyou notices. 

“This is just unfair.” He whines, much to Kei’s amusement who merely laughs at him. He reaches up to ruffle Shouyou’s hair before he slinks his away to the kitchen, leaving Shouyou to stare at the display for a few more seconds before he trails after Kei, who is moving around the room with a practiced ease that tells Shouyou he’s done this a million times over. _Fuck, and he can cook?_ He thinks, face pinched in irritation as he slides to sit on one of the seats situated near the island, propping his elbows up with his face encased within his hands. It’s quiet, as Kei moves around to grab ingredients from the cupboards and refrigerator with Shouyou watching him.

“Hope you don’t mind pasta,” Kei says as he places a pot of water on the burner, turning the fire on before he turns and walks over to the island, placing his hands on the edges as he leans over. He has a half-smile on his face, his expression somehow carrying this air of confidence to him that was.. dammit, _attractive._ “It’s pretty quick, but I make a damn aglio e olio.”

“I have no idea what the fuck that is, but sure, Kei.” Shouyou says, crossing his arms over the marble now with a trusting grin on his face, to which Kei responds with a two-finger salute. He turns to prepare the ingredients this time, and Shouyou finds himself staring at the tall blond’s back while he waits.

“Do you like pasta?” Kei asks as he works.

“Hm.. can’t remember the last time I had it,” Shouyou states, resting his chin on top of his folded arms. “My best friend doesn’t really like it, so in turn I don’t eat it much as well.”

“Eh?” Kei laughs, glancing at Shouyou over his shoulder, “But, that’s your best friend. How does that correlate to you?”

“Well.. Dunno, we’ve just done everything together for as long as I can remember,” Shouyou shrugs nonchalantly, hand reaching out to draw shapes on the table. “It’s always been kind of like, wherever he goes I follow, whatever he likes I like. Y’know?”

Kei doesn’t answer immediately, in fact, it feels like he’s contemplating on something as all that’s heard for the next few minutes is the sound of boiling water and knife chopping. Shouyou doesn’t say anything as well, eyes fluttering shut as he awaits a response.

“Mhm, I guess you can decide today if you like pasta or not. Hate to say it but I'm definitely the right person for the job.” Kei finally says, setting aside the minced garlic and parsley before he turns around. He pauses when he realizes Shouyou had fallen asleep in the midst of the break of their conversation, and he can’t help the soft smile that tugs on his lips as he moves to lean over the island, face almost level with Shouyou’s. 

He gazes at the sleeping orange head for a while, noticing that his features have become more relaxed. His cheeks seem even softer now that he isn’t scowling or frowning at Kei. His lips which are usually pinched together in irritation are relaxed, looking so plump and _kissable_ and Kei isn’t even ashamed at the remark that crosses his mind. He looks so.. vulnerable like this, something tugs at his heart.

Kei snaps out of his daze, straightening a little bit more than usual as he turns back to making the pasta.

Later on, after Kei wakes him up and lightly teases him for drooling all over his jacket, they take their plates to the living room where they sit on the couch, turning on a show on Netflix as they ate lunch. Shouyou can’t help but feel like there’s something different about Kei. But he says nothing about it, brushing it off as a figment of his imagination.

After they’re done and Kei has put away the plates, they’re lounging lazily in the living room, engaged in a debate of whether or not pineapples belong on pizza.

“Pineapples on pizza sound atrocious!” Shouyou whines, face scrunching up.

“You just have no taste.” Kei rolls his eyes, leaning back into the backrest. 

“You’re just _weird._ ”

“Why do you say they’re bad? What does it taste like to you?” 

“Well.. I dunno, Kenma doesn’t like them and he says they taste too sweet for his liking, so I’ve just assumed that they must be really bad!”

“... Kenma, your best friend?”

“Uh huh.”

“Huh.”

“What?” Shouyou asks, brows furrowing as he eyes Kei’s side profile. Kei seems thoughtful, and he’s quiet for a moment before he turns to hold Shouyou’s gaze, shrugging in response. 

“Nothing.”

“I don’t think it’s nothing!”

“Well, it’s not really my business.”

“So there _is_ something.” Shouyou’s tone is accusatory, a frown on his face now.

Kei sighs, rubbing his temple as he drops his head back, arms crossing over his chest. “S’just weird, that you’re letting your friend decide what you like and what you do.”

Shouyou is unable to offer any response to that, so they sit in silence for the next few minutes. Kei can’t take the awkward atmosphere that’s wrapping around them, so he steers the conversation to a new topic. They talk about random things for a while, and Shouyou finds himself relaxing again, enjoying Kei’s company. Talking actually came pretty easy to them, save for the playful insults here and there, plus the childish banter they enjoyed so much. Once again, Shouyou is realizing that Kei really _isn’t that bad._

So maybe that’s why later on, when there’s a lull in the conversation and they’re both just relaxed against the couch, Shouyou speaks up again.

“Before Kenma, I never really had anyone, which is weird because everyone knows I’m so _talkative_ and- well, I had a lot of _friends_ but it was all just surface level,” Shouyou starts, eyes fluttered shut. He can feel the intensity of Kei’s gaze on him, which flusters him a little, but he continues. “When I met him.. it’s weird, we just fell so easily into each other, everything made sense, y’know? And... we did _everything_ together.”

“It was hilarious because Kenma is my complete opposite, but still we got along _so_ well, that we started to know each other better than we even knew ourselves. And… I don’t know, Kenma hasn’t always been the most outgoing, so… I guess I’ve just kinda learned how to walk with him and take things slow, you know?”

It’s quiet for a while, and when he gets no reply, Shouyou finds himself opening his eyes and turning his head to look at Kei, whose gaze looks inquisitive. 

“You walked for so long with him… I wonder if you’ve realized that you’ve been aching to fly?” 

Shouyou doesn't respond.

It's getting late into the afternoon when Shouyou finally gets up, stretching out his limbs as he announces that he should take his leave. "The amount of work waiting for me is... urgh."

"I'm surprised you actually do any work at all, I thought volleyball was the only thing that occupies your mind." Kei drawls from where he's sat on the couch, lifting his long legs up to lay where Shouyou had been previously sitting. Scowling, Shouyou reaches to pinch Kei's cheek hard who whines childishly, tugging at Shouyou's wrist. He laughs before making his way towards the door, thanking Kei for the lunch. He's about to turn the knob of the door to leave when he hears Kei speak up from behind him.

"I hope that I can see you finally fly, Shouyou."

He pauses mid-action, blinking owlishly. He realizes that this is the first time Kei has actually used his given name, and he can't help but _marvel_ at the way his name rolls off Kei's tongue. But at this point, he was more concerned about the words he had just uttered, so he turns to look at him questioningly.

"I did say it felt like you were trying to unravel yourself all over again, right?" Kei hums, leaning against the entry frame leading to the living room.

Shouyou opens his mouth to say something but decides against it, smiling at the taller instead. He turns the knob and opens the door, waving a little in goodbye. Though, Kei's words are still weighing heavily in his mind. Despite that, he pushed to carry himself out of the door, calling out.

"See you tomorrow in practice, Kei!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!  
> am back alkjfhsdkjhfksj im so sorry for the late update!!  
> i had been churning out chapters so hard and fast i guess i just kinda ran out of battery lmao  
> but i'm back and let's hope regular updates will also make a return!!  
> sorry if this chapter is kinda bland, but i do know where i want to go from here now so consider this a sort of,,  
> filler chapter? hehe  
> anw yes here's some light tsukihina fluff <3  
> have a nice day!!!  
> ily all


	10. Saltwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Something wrong, tiny?” Kei asks, thoroughly amused.
> 
> “I just. I kinda wanna stay here, okay? You can leave if you like, but… m’not in the mood to go back to my dorm.” 
> 
> There’s silence for a moment, and Kei crosses his arms on the table before resting his chin on top of them, eyes still locked on the visibly sulking Shouyou. “Can I ask why?”
> 
> “...m’homesick.” 

He arrives in time to practice the next day, walking with a noticeable skip in his step. His friends choose to not question him, although there is a hidden smile on Kei’s face when he greets him good morning in that annoying drawl of his. Shouyou is not sure where the good mood is coming from, but he’s resolved to not question it and instead be grateful that he didn’t wake up today feeling like death.

It’s nice, he doesn’t feel anxious about Kenma for the first time in days, and he’s in his best form yet during the scrimmages they had during training today. A lot of his spikes are successful, and he even gets his block timing right on several occasions. Today is simply a good day  _ so far,  _ and he was thankful for that.

Practice ends with a few words from their coaches, remarks on some things they did well and things they needed to improve on. After they’re dismissed, he makes his way to the locker rooms with Koutarou, Tobio and Kei. The sports majors are walking ahead of them, deep in conversation about something while Kei and Shouyou trail behind them, also engaged in a conversation of their own.

“I can’t make it to our session tomorrow, so do you want to move it to today? We can go grab something at the same cafe.” Kei nudges him, to which he responds with a thoughtful hum.

“Yeah, sure, I’m craving for some coffee anyway.”

The two of them talk to Koutarou and Tobio for a few more minutes before they eventually say their goodbyes, both of them walking out of the gym to make their way to the same cafe they had been to the previous week. 

They take the same booth they occupied from the last visit, and the two get to work in no time while they sip on their respective drinks and tuck into their respective orders. Shouyou had opted to try the pesto and chicken sandwich they offered while Kei chose to order a lasagna. 

Setting aside the occasional insults and shameless flirting, Shouyou once again found that it was incredibly easy to be comfortable around Kei. It felt nice, he found that he didn’t compare much of his everyday routine to the one he had grown accustomed to at home when unpredictable events ( _ distractions _ ) in the form of Tsukishima Kei happened a lot. 

Then, there were the small smiles and light brushes of skin that occured every now and then. Sometimes, he swears he can see a hint of something else in Kei’s gaze, but the snarky bastard was mouthing him off again before he had much time to ponder over it.

He also didn’t want to think about the implication of his heart skipping a beat whenever it happened.

They finish the work that’s scheduled for this session, an hour and a half later. Shouyou sighs happily in victory as he leans back into the booth, arms stretching up high to relieve his sore muscles. Across him, Kei was hunched over the table, one arm folded in while his free hand fumbled around with the straw of his drink. He’s watching Shouyou again, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as the orange head did some minor stretching - as much as he could while he was seated, anyway.

It doesn’t take long for Shouyou to notice, who calls him out on it. Kei merely sighs as he rests his cheek against his propped up fist, using the most nonchalant voice in the world. “You’re so ugly, I was thinking about how lucky you are to be hanging out with your crush.”

_ Ah.  _ It was so confusing when Kei did this, flirting with him shamelessly one second then making mean remarks in the next.

“You are such an  _ asshole _ .”

“You’re cute when you’re annoyed,”

“What the fuck.”

Kei merely responds with a wolfish grin, leaning back into his seat as he glances at his watch. “We finished earlier than I expected. So, we can leave now.”

Shouyou doesn’t reply, merely casting his eyes downward where he’s begun to play with the string of his hoodie. Kei quirks a brow and tilts his head, curious as to why the usually perky male was acting as such.

“I said, we can leave now.”

“Yeah, I heard you.”, grumbled Shouyou, who pulled his hood on and dropped his head on the table with a small thud. 

“Something wrong, tiny?” Kei asks, thoroughly amused.

“I just. I kinda wanna stay here, okay? You can leave if you like, but… m’not in the mood to go back to my dorm.” 

There’s silence for a moment, and Kei crosses his arms on the table before resting his chin on top of them, eyes still locked on the visibly sulking Shouyou. “Can I ask why?”

“...m’homesick.” 

Kei’s mouth gapes in a small ‘o’, understanding dawning on him. He doesn’t say anything, and they’re quiet for a few moments as they sit there. Shouyou slowly lifts his head up so his chin is resting on the table, effectively putting them in such a position that they’re face to face. His cheeks flare up in realization, but he doesn’t move, ignoring the fact that Kei was smirking at Shouyou’s obvious flusteredness. 

“Okay, well. It’s not usually this bad. Compared to when I first got here, when I was seriously contemplating on jumping on a plane back to Japan every day. It’s gotten better, because I’ve needed to worry about school, volleyball and all the things that come with being an adult,”

“But on some days, like today, I suddenly miss my old bed all the more. It hits a little different. I miss waking Natsu up for school in the morning, and making our breakfasts in our tiny kitchen. I miss the long bike trips to school where I get to see the mountains, when I get to think over things on my own for a while. I miss my friends, and all of their annoying shit,” Shouyou laughs, memories flashing in his mind as he talks. “I miss patching up the hole in my tire every now and then, I miss eating my old coach’s meatbuns, I miss every little thing that I used to pay no mind to, but somehow it’s like.. well, I realized that they all are part of  _ home. _ ”

“Because you never realize what something means to you until it’s no longer part of your every day.” Kei gently says, to which Shouyou responds with a small hum, lips pressed together in a thin line.

“Yeah. And just. I don’t feel like being alone in my lonely dorm today. Plus I woke up in a  _ really  _ good mood so I just. I want to let that last for a few more seconds.”

“...”

“...”

“Come on, let’s go.”

“To where?”

“Somewhere.”

Later on, he’s sitting in the passenger seat of Kei’s mom’s car. He protested very loudly about how he didn’t want his mom to hate him forever for somehow soiling her car, but Kei laughs it off and tells him not to worry.

( _ Still, he worries, because he’s Shouyou, and also he’s jittery because fuck, Kei somehow looks stupidly good while driving a stupid car. _ )

It had been a good fifty minutes since they’ve left Kei’s neighbourhood and he’s getting really antsy with curiosity, but Kei won’t budge and well, Kei is an asshole.

He finally deflates, crossing his arms as he puffs his cheeks in annoyance, staring straight ahead. The buildings and houses they pass by continuously wane until finally, there’s just trees surrounding them.

Kei glances over at him and chuckles, before turning on the radio. It’s playing Taylor Swift, and Shouyou expects Kei to change the station but then-  _ Kei fucking sings.  _

“ _ Losing him was blue like I'd never known,  _ come on Shou, sing with me!” Kei laughs, because oh my god, Shouyou is staring at him like he’s gone positively insane and it’s so  _ precious. _

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Can’t hear you singing!  _ Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met. _ ”

“...”

Shouyou sighs, expression blatantly saying ‘I-can’t-believe-I’m-about-to-do-this’ before he sings the second verse with Kei who cheers and sings with much more vigor if it was even possible. Shouyou laughs between words and Kei doesn’t mind at all because he’s singing his heart out, and in that singular moment he forgets  _ everything  _ and it’s just the two of them singing freely in Kei’s mom’s car driving to who-knows-where.

It continues that way for the rest of the ride, they’re both awfully pitchy in some songs that are way too high (“ _ from the chanDElIEeeeeEEER” _ ) and they sing some songs in a much somber mood ( _ “But I love you still, I always will” _ ) but overall, Shouyou is having  _ fun  _ and the thought of  _ Kenma  _ hasn’t slipped in his thoughts at all.

It’s thirty minutes later when they finally reach the destination, and the sun has begun to set. Shouyou exits the car and gently slams the door shut before taking in the view - and  _ wow.  _

He can’t remember the last time he’s been to the beach, but internally, he wonders if it’s always been this breathtaking. The sun is starting to sink behind the horizon, turning the sky into soft hues of purples and oranges. His ears are greeted by the sound of the waves crashing into the shoreline, and he feels so  _ calm.  _ He vaguely registers Kei suggesting that he remove his shoes which he quickly does, handing it to the taller who places it away in the car.

“I think I’ve just fallen in love,” He murmurs as he steps onto the sand, relishing in the feeling of it on his skin. Kei walks up next to him, standing in place while he shoves his hands into his pocket.

“When was the last time you’ve gone to the beach?”

“A long time,” Shouyou admits, sighing softly. “I didn’t go a lot as a child because we lived too far, and then when I got older I just didn’t want to go because Kenma hates sweating and well, wherever he goes-”

“You follow.” Kei finishes. There’s a hint of something in his voice that Shouyou doesn’t care to think over, choosing to ignore it because he’s in not much of a mood to argue. 

It’s quiet for a few minutes as they take in the gorgeous view, Shouyou closing his eyes to focus on the sound of the ocean. 

“Why did you bring me here, Kei?” He finally asks, as the sun sinks further and further behind the horizon. Kei doesn’t say anything for a few long moments, before he speaks. “Because whenever I’m here, I feel like I’m free. And I figured you needed that right now.”

Shouyou hums in appreciation, nodding once. They’re cloaked in a comfortable silence again as they watch the sunset, both absorbed in their own thoughts.

That night, Shouyou dreams of beaches and golden eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back!! sorry it took a while again, but i finally got the inspiration to write this chapter  
> also, i made a writer acc on twt so i can find more people to talk about haikyuu with!  
> if you want to be friends, come interact with me [here.](https://twitter.com/shounope)  
> i'm currently working on a third gym ot4 soulmate au so i'll probably tweet about that on that account if you wanna stay updated hehe  
> lastly, i'm currently working on an iwaoi soulmate & socmed au on twitter if you're into that!! it's in fil/eng though so i'm sorry for my intl readers dsgfhsgfhjs but i'll definitely be working on eng socmed au's soon if i end up enjoying it!!  
> have a nice day <3


	11. Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And oh, Kuroo looks pissed. 
> 
> “What the fuck, Hinata?” Shouyou visibly winces at Kuroo’s tone, devoid of the usual cheeriness and the distinct nickname Chibi-chan. He only swallows thickly as he sets his phone on the table, shooting a nervous grin at Kuroo.
> 
> “Hi, Kuroo.”

Shouyou and Kei hanging out became more of a regular occurence after that, and he finds that his thoughts that used to be filled with homesickness and _Kenma_ were now filled with his worries about studies, training and _I wonder if Kei is free for coffee right now?_

It’s been three weeks since he’s become Kei’s tutee and nearly two since they’ve become a constant presence in each other’s lives. Frankly, Shouyou is thankful for the unexpected friendship that he’s formed with the blonde middle blocker, although he really could do without the constant teasing and flirting because Shouyou’s not sure how much longer he can take before his head _explodes._ But really, Kei has been a great company to have around and it’s kind of cool to have a friend who reminded him a little bit of home but also helped him forget how far away he truly is from home.

Speaking of friends, he has also formed friendships with Koutarou, Tobio and Keiji. They’ve become a sort of convenience store trio for whenever the boys finished training, hanging out for a bit while complaining about course work, org work and everything in between. It’s around 9pm on a Tuesday night when Shouyou gets the notification.

_Bokuto Koutarou added you and 3 others to a group chat._

_Bokuto Koutarou changed the name to PRETTY JAPANESE BOIZ_

_Bokuto: HEY HEY HEY_

_Kageyama: what is this?_

_Tsukishima: A groupchat, dumbass, what else._

_Kageyama: i know tht, stfu_

_Akaashi: I am also confused._

_Hinata: HEY HEY HEY_

_Bokuto: shou is my only true friend!!!!_

_Akaashi: Ah._

_Bokuto: NOFJKHSFSJGFHJS_

_Bokuto: kaashi ure still my no. 1_

_Tsukishima: Lmao, you’re in trouble._

_Bokuto: HHHH I JUST WANTED TO ASK IF Y’ALL WANTED TO ATTEND THAT PARTY THIS SATURDAY_

_Kageyama: the one kindaichi is holding????_

_Bokuto: yea_

_Tsukishima: Sure, ig._

_Hinata: im down!!!!!!_

_Tsukishima: Are you even legal enough to do that?_

_Hinata: stfu i’m a fucking freshman in uni u dick_

_Kageyama: both of u shut up before u get into another lover’s quarrel_

_Kageyama: but yea im down_

_Bokuto: COOLLLLL ok guys will send details tom!!!_

_Hinata: lovers quarrel???????????????????? WTF_

Shouyou is frowning as he stares at the conversation, already in the midst of typing another reply when he hears an incoming video chat coming from his laptop. He looks up, blinking owlishly when he sees Kuroo’s name. After a few seconds, he accepts the call.

And _oh,_ Kuroo looks _pissed._

“What the _fuck_ , Hinata?” Shouyou visibly winces at Kuroo’s tone, devoid of the usual cheeriness and the distinct nickname _Chibi-chan._ He only swallows thickly as he sets his phone on the table, shooting a nervous grin at Kuroo.

“Hi, Kuroo.”

“Are you for real? You haven’t talked to Kenma in nearly _two weeks_ and you come out talking to me like everything is fine and dandy? News flash, he’s my best friend too!”

“Kuroo, listen-”

“No, you listen. I don’t give a fuck right now about Kenma’s wishes of leaving you alone and giving you space, I don’t _care_ that I may be hurting your feelings by cutting to the chase because I care about Kenma and the fact that you’re being an absolute asshole and _coward_ for leaving him hanging.” Kuroo’s voice is laced with so much anger, and that same anger is written all over his face - it’s clear as day and Shouyou feels guilty. “He hasn’t uploaded a video since then, he’s just been locking himself in his room and I’ve had to fucking force him to eat countless of times the past two weeks and just- _what the fuck, Hinata?_ Why the hell are you hurting him like this? Why the hell are you running away from this even?”

“...”

“What? You’re not going to talk? Man, you’re a real piece of work.”

“God, shut up, Kuroo.” Shouyou’s voice is tired, he runs a hand down the side of his face as he feels an oncoming headache, focusing on everything in his willpower to _breathe_ and _channel positive energy, don’t blow up._

There’s a flash of irritation on Kuroo’s face at Shouyou’s words, and he’s about to talk again when Shouyou beats him to it.

“Can I get some credit here?” He says quietly, lowering his head as he stares at a spot on the floor. “Can I just catch a break here? Because trust me, I’m trying. I’m trying so, _so_ hard to forget everything, Kuroo. I’m trying to forget the fact that Kenma walked away from me on the day that I confessed. I’m trying to forget that he _ignored_ me for a month and a half after that, no messages or calls. I’m trying to forget that he refused to even _talk_ about it after he came back, and had resolved to just pretend that everything was normal. Kuroo,” Shouyou’s voice breaks as he shuts his eyes tightly, tears rolling down his cheeks as he inhales deeply. “I’m trying to forget that _I’m in love with him_ because being in love with him is the reason why our friendship is fucking falling apart. I’m trying to forget that _I’m_ the reason we’re falling apart.”

By the end of it, Shouyou is struggling to keep his breath in check as he fists his shirt against his chest, and nothing else can be heard for a long time as he cries. For the first time in a year, Shouyou is allowing himself to feel the full intensity of the pain that this whole mess has caused him. He’s breaking down in front of Kuroo and he feels a little ashamed because he was supposed to be _strong_ for Kenma. But again, he’s only a human - and he can only take so much before he eventually breaks. 

“I- I’m sorry, Shou I..” Kuroo really does sound apologetic, even a little guilty. Shouyou doesn’t look up at him - his face was a mess, and he didn’t want Kuroo to see how pathetic he looked. 

“Kenma,” Shouyou flinches at the mention of his name, Kuroo notices. “is just.. a little complicated with feelings. I- you know he-” The raven haired man pauses for a moment, catching himself before he sighs in frustration, shaking his head despite the fact that Shouyou wasn’t looking at him right now. “You should talk to him about this.”

Shouyou merely nods in response, already knowing this. He _knows_ that they need to talk. He _knows_ it’s wrong of him to run away.

He’s just scared.

Scared that after they do talk, he loses Kenma for good - and he’s not sure if he can survive that. 

_So please,_ he thinks to himself, _let me have a little more time before he leaves._

Kuroo and Shouyou are quiet for a long time while they stay on call. Eventually, the older male bids him goodbye before he ends it, leaving Shouyou to his thoughts.

The next few training sessions, Shouyou is clearly thrown off his game which had led to him getting an earful a number of times from the coaches. Koutarou and Tobio had noticed and even teased him about it, to which the orange haired spiker merely laughed in response. However, there were always a pair of golden eyes locked on him - thoughtful, doubtful. 

Kei finally approaches him when he makes up a dumb excuse to get out of their post-training convenience store run for the third time that week.

He’s already nearing his dorm when he recognizes Kei’s voice. “Hey, tiny.”

Eyes wide in surprise, he swiftly turns around, mouth slightly agape in surprise when he sees Kei approaching him. The blond has his headphones hung around his neck, having changed into a plain white tee and jeans, his gym bag slung around his body. His hands are shoved into his pockets, expression bored. 

“Why the fuck have you been bailing?” His voice is a lazy drawl, as if he could really care less but Shouyou _swears_ he hears the tiniest tinge of irritation. 

Oh well. 

“Uh, I just have.. stuff to do.” Shouyou says lamely, averting his gaze to focus on the concrete below them. 

“That or something’s bothering you,” Kei pauses, head tipping to the side as he raises a brow. “because you’ve been way off your game lately, tiny.”

Shouyou purses his lips, quiet for a bit as he thinks about whether or not he was going to tell Kei. On one hand, he had just met Kei a few weeks ago. On the other hand, he _really_ wanted someone to talk to about this - someone who didn’t know Kenma, preferably. And that was hard because they had nearly the same circle of friends back home.

Something must have shifted in expression to give it away, because Kei is already turning around and walking. “Let’s go. My treat.”

Half an hour later, they’re sitting in their usual cafe with drinks sitting in front of them. Kei had ordered a newly added frappuccino into the menu while Shouyou had stuck with his usual americano. They’ve been sitting there in silence for ten minutes as Kei sipped on his drink while Shouyou played with his straw, looking as glum as ever. He fully expects his companion to begin prying and asking questions, but to his surprise, neither of it comes. Instead, he sits across from Shouyou, gaze expectant yet gentle - a look that Shouyou was definitely not used to. 

Another five minutes pass and the shorter of the two sighs, leaning back into his seat as he begins to talk. 

“I met Kenma when I was in middle school…”

And he talks. He talks, and talks - he doesn’t stop, and he begins to get really emotional as he confides six years of friendship, feelings, fights and reconciliations. Kei doesn’t say anything at all, only nodding along and making noises of confirmation to let Shouyou know that he’s listening. 

“I’m just so scared. And so tired.” Shouyou admits, head lolling back to rest against his seat as tears fall down his face. “I have no idea what the fuck I need to do.”

Kei merely hums.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

“I… I dunno, just. Something.”

Kei pauses, staring at Shouyou for a long moment as if he was thinking it over. Shouyou lifts his head up to look back at Kei, brows rising to his hairline as if to say _‘Well?’_. The middle blocker merely puts his cup down on the table, leaning back.

“You’re scared of losing him?”, he asks, to which Shouyou nods.

“Or are you scared of losing that familiarity in your life?”

Shouyou pauses.

“I thought you already had it figured out, tiny,”, there’s no malice in his voice, but there is a lot of gentleness that Shouyou is not accustomed to associating the blond with. “You said it yourself - the past few years, you’ve been living a lot of your life with Kenma entwined in every nook and cranny. You’ve even said that you’ve always belonged to his side as his best friend - that you’ve always been his. I think that you’re well aware that so much of the you that exists now is there because of him, and hey, that isn’t a bad thing.”

“But what I mean is… well, I hope you’re able to unravel yourself beneath the wraps of the person that Kenma needed you to be. I hope that somehow, you can break out and become the person that _you_ need to be.” Kei purses his lips in thought as he levels his gaze, making sure to lock his eyes with Shouyou’s. “You’ll never be able to take the first step if you continue to allow that fear to chain you. I think you already know this, tiny, you just need someone to say it to you.”

Shouyou’s tears had long dried up, only reduced to small sniffles here and there. He’s fiddling with the hem of his jacket as he ducks his head to escape from Kei’s gaze, answering.

“I know that. But… but where do I go from there? What if I make a mistake? What if I fall down, and Kenma’s not there? What if… what if I fail on my own? I don’t know what I would do then.”

“I do,” Kei answers in a heartbeat, smiling softly when the small spiker snaps his head up in surprise to look at him. 

“You make a mistake, stand back up and then you keep moving forward.” Kei shrugs, keeping his gaze steady. “Because you’re only human, you know? No one expects you to be perfect. No one needs you to do everything right all the time. More importantly, no one expects you to be _okay_ all the time. You’re allowed to have bad days. That’s the way you grow.”

Shouyou nods, thinking over the words Kei had uttered, looking reflective now due to the way his brows were knitted together. It’s quiet, and they both sit there comfortably.

Then, “Hey, tiny?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop crying, you look so fucking ugly.”

“Fuck off, you ass.”

There’s no bite in either of their voices, and they fall into soft laughter at their childish banter. They end up staying at the cafe for a few more hours, until the cafe eventually reaches its closing time. Neither of them bat an eye at the time, and they both shove at each other with teasing remarks and insults as Kei walks Shouyou back to his dorm. 

For the second time in the past weeks, Tsukishima Kei had alleviated his worries and had allowed him to smile for a while. He felt light, relaxed and happy. 

He felt like he could be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! it's been a while hahafhgsdgfhs  
> i'm so sorry but i've had some minor writer's block for this fic and HHH it's bad  
> but like,, i do know what direction i want to take so hope fu lly updates can come regularly now!!  
> thank you guys so much for sticking by this story! i do plan on letting it on until chapter 20 or 25 jdfhsg s  
> i'm lov u all!
> 
> scream at me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/shounope)


	12. author's note, sorry :(

hello, loves!

it's been nearly a month, i know, and you can all come at me with your pitchforks but i just couldn't leave you guys in the dark anymore.

some stuff just happened to me that distracted me from updating, but now that i am in a better headspace i will try to be updating soon!

projecting an update by next week, i swear! don't worry, i won't leave this baby hanging <3 i already have most of the plot thought out, so this WILL see a finish. 

probably will have finished by chapter 20 or 25!

so sorry for the long wait, but if you're still here, thank you so much!

my twt is @shounope if you want to talk. :)

have a wonderful day, everyone.


	13. Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “With some friends, I think,” Shouyou laughs, hand reaching up to rub his nape. “Our other friends have all gone off, too, so now…”
> 
> “Ah, you’re alone. Well fret not, for you have company now! Under one condition, Shou…”
> 
> Shouyou blinks owlishly at the mischievous expression that had overtaken Suga’s angelic features - and he’s only known the man for a short amount of time but something about this look has triggered his survival instincts and is somehow telling him to… run?
> 
> “Have you ever heard of Beer Pong?”

Shouyou doesn’t do parties, usually.

Back at home, the only times that he supposes were deemed acceptable enough to be referred to as ‘partying’ were the ones that Kuroo threw after Nationals. Shouyou had always stuck by Kenma’s side - which means no parties, because the pudding head hated huge crowds and the smell of alcohol. It was something that he had grown used to, so it never really mattered.

Kindaichi’s party was a whole other level of different.

Music was being played throughout the house, and it felt like in every corner there were another group of friends laughing and messing around. They had arrived a bit late, so the whole thing was practically in full swing now. Koutarou and Keiji had gone off to talk to some friends while Tobio was whisked away by someone he didn’t catch the name of. Kei also ends up being pulled away (against his own will) to greet a few people, leaving Shouyou alone.

This proves to be an issue.

Usually, he was a social butterfly who loved getting along with new people - more friends, yay. However, this was a different case because one, he was all _alone_ and two, he had no idea who any of these people were. Shouyou thinks he might be a little sick. He rubs his arm as he begins to walk through the flurry of activity, trying his best not to get into anyone’s way. He looks around, attempting to at least get a glimpse of someone he knew when-

“Hey! Shouyou, right?” A warm voice calls for him just as he enters the dining room where the chairs have been pulled away, red drinking cups set up in triangles on opposite ends of the table. He blinks and turns to the speaker, nearly heaving a sigh of relief as he recognizes the person.

“Yeah, hey Suga!” He says in greeting, a little bit too enthusiastic. He flinches a bit at how right that sounded as he approaches the guy, who eagerly waves him over. 

“Just in time, Shou! Where’s Tsukki?” Suga asks, peering around him as if Kei would somehow magically appear out of nowhere from his rear.

“With some friends, I think,” Shouyou laughs, hand reaching up to rub his nape. “Our other friends have all gone off, too, so now…”

“Ah, you’re alone. Well fret not, for you have company now! Under one condition, Shou…”

Shouyou blinks owlishly at the mischievous expression that had overtaken Suga’s angelic features - and he’s only known the man for a short amount of time but something about this look has triggered his survival instincts and is somehow telling him to… run?

“Have you ever heard of Beer Pong?”

Beer Pong, Shouyou finds, is actually fun. It seemed pretty straightforward - aim the ball and throw. Easy.

Except, Shouyou also discovers that he is absolute _shit_ at it. 

He internally fumes at the fact that his athletic skills do _not_ translate to being able to shoot a damn ping pong ball into a cup, and his determination to get better at the game is intensified everytime he misses a cup and Suga pats his back reassuringly with a soft ‘Don’t mind!’

Shouyou minds, excuse you.

However, it’s a few rounds later when he makes another discovery: he does not handle alcohol well. He’s lost track of how many he’s had, and it’s when he begins giggling to himself does Suga get concerned. 

There’s a warmth on his shoulder, and he tips his head to look at said warmth only to realize it was a hand. Very pretty hand, oh. There’s a throat being cleared and he turns to the owner of said hand, only to be met with the slightly perplexed face of Tsukishima Kei whose cheeks are really pink. And it looks cute, Kei looks very cute. The tint on his cheeks turns even darker and Shouyou wonders if he said that out loud. There’s laughter somewhere behind him and he decides to shut it out in favor of pressing his cheek against the back of Kei’s hand. It’s a really, _really_ weird angle but oh, _oh_ he loves how soft Kei’s hand feels. How does it stay so soft despite playing volleyball? 

The hand disappears and he makes an audible noise that sounds somewhere between a whine and a groan at the lost warmth. There’s laughter around them but Shouyou’s droopy gaze locks on Kei who is looking at him with an incredulous expression. He manages a smile as he stumbles towards the blonde who catches him in his arms before he fully makes an acquaintance with the floor. Kei is warmth and peaches and - _fuck._ He vaguely wonders why it feels familiar, but his brain is in a haze of muddiness that the familiarity is the least of his concerns right now. There’s a deep rumble in the chest he’s resting his cheek against as he emits a soft sigh, and he relishes in the arms that keep him steady as he slips into unconsciousness. He thinks he hears someone sigh in defeat and someone else chuckle in amusement, but he’s already far gone.

_“You're an absolute idiot, Shouyou.”_

_“Hey.”_

_“Hm?” Kenma doesn’t look up from his phone from where he’s situated on Shouyou’s floor, but he knows that the gamer is listening. So he takes a deep breath, and asks._

_“When I compete in my first professional volleyball game,” Shouyou starts off, gnawing on his bottom lip in thought before he continues. “will you come?”_

_At this, Kenma emits a small laugh to which Shouyou responds with a frown as he props himself up on his elbows to throw his best friend a dirty look, but he’s a bit taken aback to see that his friend’s feline eyes are sharply trained on his face - it’s a look that Kenma gets when he’s sure of something. It’s when he knows he’s right- an air of confidence that he always carries when he’s so sure of something that he_ dares _you to prove him wrong. Shouyou pauses, waiting with bated breath._

_“Dumbass,” Kenma breathes out, shaking his head fondly, “how foolish of you to think that there’s a future where I’m not by your side, Shou.”_

Shouyou’s eyes flutter open. It’s dark, and he takes a moment to inhale deeply in an attempt to soothe his racing heart. That dream was based on something that had actually happened a year ago, a few months before he had ultimately decided to confess to Kenma. The words had always stuck to him, and it was Shouyou’s constant reassurance that he had a future to look forward to - because it’s one where he’d always have his best friend. But now, remembering made his heart ache. It tickled at his worst demons and poked at his biggest fears. He used to be so sure that Kenma would always be by his side. 

Now he had no idea. 

It had been weeks now since his last correspondence with his best friend, he didn’t even know if he still had one.

Emitting a soft sigh, Shouyou reaches up to rub his eyes with his fist, yawning. He pauses - he doesn’t remember getting home because his last memory was of the game at Kindaichi’s party so how was he in a bed? Blinking in alarm, he sat up quick only to realize that he most definitely was not in his dorm room and he was most definitely _not_ in his own bed.

“What the fuck?” Shouyou whispers in distress, face contorting into confusion. 

“I didn’t kidnap you, calm the fuck down.” Grumbled a very familiar voice. Wait, no _way-_

“Kei?”

“Next time, before you go chugging down multiple glasses of alcohol, can you _please_ make sure you can handle it?” Kei says this in his nonchalant tone from where he’s laying on a futon rolled out on the floor beside the bed Shouyou was currently sitting on. Shouyou’s cheeks flare up and he’s about to apologize but he remembers - “Wait, why am I here? Why am I not at my dorm?”

“Because, dumbass, as much as I play on the varsity,” Kei sighs, reaching up to massage his temple with one hand while the other keeps his phone held above his face. “I don’t care much for carrying you all the way back to your dorm, okay.”

“Oh…”

“Besides, I didn’t think you’d enjoy having your first hangover alone and with zero clue what to do.”

“Hey, shut up.” Shouyou groans, throwing an arm over his eyes. There’s actually silence for the next few minutes after that, to which he finds himself wonderfully _thinking_ and _thinking_ and-

“Can you stop thinking so loud?” Kei’s irritated voice exclaims.

“What the hell? How did you even know I was thinking of something?”

Kei doesn’t respond to that and Shouyou emits a louder sigh at that. He swears he can hear the cheeky bastard’s smirk, which is something he would like to wipe off his stupidly cute face, _thank you very much._

A few minutes pass and Shouyou finds himself still awake, despite all of his attempts to push himself back to sleep. His thoughts were too loud and his brain was a mess, so he was just having a difficult time trying to fall back asleep, okay.

He finally emits a very, _very_ loud sigh and he rolls to his side to peer over Kei who is situated on the floor, about to ask if he was still awake when-

Ah.

Kei is fast asleep. His glasses have obviously been removed, which allowed Shouyou to really look at his features for the first time in a while. There’s no scowl on his face nor any crinkle marring his forehead. Kei looks really peaceful and- _and God, did he look gorgeous._ Shouyou finds himself to be a little bit in awe, really. He gazes over Kei’s _actually soft_ countenance, admiring each and every bit and _jesus christ this is getting so weird_. His lips look so, so soft too that Shouyou wanted to- 

Shouyou rolls onto his back, heart racing once more as he realized where his thought process is heading. This freaked him out a little bit, because Kei was _definitely_ not his best friend. You know, the one who he had been in love with for the past three or four years. He did not have pudding hair, he didn’t enjoy games and he wasn’t as seriously reserved. He enjoyed insanely sweet things, he has an incredible fascination with dinosaurs and he annoyed Shouyou at every chance he could possibly get. He was golden eyes, tousled blond locks, and half-smirks. Kei was infuriating, annoying, snarky, shameless, sweet, handsome, and-

Tsukishima Kei was everything Kozume Kenma was not. 

_And it was frightening how his heart lurched a little at the thought.  
_

Shouyou swallows thickly and quickly closes his eyes tightly shut, tugging the duvet up and over his head as he bit back the damn urge to scream. Where were all these thoughts coming from? Why is he even having these thoughts? What the absolute hell was happening? A million questions ran through the ginger’s head, and he desperately wished that he could just hit pause on everything for a second as he attempted to regain his bearings. 

_Tsukishima Kei is everything Kozume Kenma is not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> ugh this is a short and rushed update, i know, but i needed to get this out so i can ~finally~ officially jump off my writing hiatus.  
> so sorry if this isn't as nice, hhhh. i promise to make it up in the next update!  
> i'll try to update again next weekend, or even earlier! hihi.  
> i love you all! thank you for staying with me this far.  
> also!!!! thank you so, so much for the kind words that you all offered in my author's note T____________T they meant the world to me.  
> rest assured that i am slowly healing and i am so happy to be back! <3  
> ALSO, ALSO!! happy birthday kei!! <3 i love that boi so so so much. i might be writing some stuff for his bday week, we will see. hehe.
> 
> come shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/shounope)!


End file.
